Permanently Gone (AHS Tate Langdon)

All Alone

Its funny how a void of nothingness can cause you to be depressed. It's funny how that can lead to loneliness. But we're all lonely, in a way, although most of us out there tend to not show it. Tate is... Different. There's something about him that is both unsettling and pleasing at the same time. Like when you try drugs for the first time. There's adventure, fun, relaxation, rebellion, but with that comes side effects and consequences.... I know, that's one hell of a bad analogy but you get the point.

It's been a few days. Tate hasn't come by. Not once. Not a call. Not even a letter. And what bothers me is that I barely even know the fucking guy. And I'm already missing him like a fucking drug...

Well my parents have been working night and day. And the silence of this damn house is driving me crazy. Insane even. And there's me pathetically waiting for tate to swing by.

I haven't been down in the basement since that day. It scares me. This whole house scares me. But it also feels like I belong here. I tend to stay in my room or the kitchen and sometimes, on nice days, I'll sit outside the front lawn.

I opened my journal and read over the poem I wrote a long time ago. The crappy poem I wrote.

All alone in my small little house

Nothing but me, a clock, and a mouse

All alone while the night closes in

A bottle of pills, goodbye my friend

Then I'll take a few and gulp them down

While dark colors start to swirl around

The clock on the wall,loud, tick tick tock

Till my time seems to come to a stop

Nothing but silence drowning me in

I hope I'm forgiven for this sin

But instead, bright lights, and opened eyes

I am still here and to my surprise

Hot tears trickle down my confused face

I ask to myself "What is this place?"

I'm unaware a nurse fills me In

In my almost death I did not win

A friend appeared before I'd go away

Saved so I could see another day

All alone in my small little room

Thinking of how it all went a gloom

How did I become colder then snow

But to my surprise I did not know

How bright a world that awaited me

How thankful I could finally see

All alone in my small little house

Nothing but me, a clock, and a mouse

I guess we can agree that im no James Joyce. I looked across the street from my lawn where I sat. I looked back at the words in my journal and remembered writing them years ago. when I was first diagnosed with depression. I was sent to an institution for a while after I tried to over dose. that was the first time I tried to kill myself. The second time I tried to slit my wrist. I glanced at the scars over my wrist. That was a long time ago. To me atleast. I know what your probably thinking, Its another suicidal teen, well im not anymore. I got help. And im better. And I think the only reason I keep this crappy ass poem Is to remind myself of that. Like I said, im no james Joyce.

My attention snapped up as two hands snatched my journal startling me. I was stunned to see two friendly brown eyes that I haven't seen in a while.

"Tate." I smiled but suddenly realized what he had in his hands. "Shit! Gimme it back!" I gasped out of embarrassment. But it was too late. By this time he already read it. He sat on the ground next to me and ran his fingers through his hair continuing to keep his eyes glued to the paper although I  knew he already read it.

There was a long awkward pause and I could feel my cheeks burning. I held my breath waiting  for him to say something.

"When'd you write this Alice?" he asked although he kept his eyes on the paper.

"Uh a long time ago.. " I sighed. "Its crappy I know.." I cleared my throat.

he shook his head. "No, no its not." he looked at me and gave me  slight smile. "Its pretty good. I didn't know you wrote poetry."

"I don't. It was a one time writing thing.."   I mumbled.

"I like poetry." he whispered. "whered you get the inspiration for this?"  he asked me.

"well-" I started but stopped myself thinking better of it. "Never mind you'll think im crazy." I muttered.

He shook his head. "No, no I wont."

I sighed taking a pause and looking at his face. "Well before I moved here I tried to kill myself twice. I also got institutionalized for  a while. that's one of the reasons my mom decided to move us." I slowly said.

I glanced at him waiting for his response. He just shrugged as if it was nothing.

"so you don't think im crazy?" I asked with a chuckle.

He smirked. "No. " he bit his bottom lip and said. "I just think your a good soul hiding behind dark thoughts. And its not your fault. The world we live in is shit."

I smiled at him. "Thanks for not judging me."

he put his arm around my shoulders. "That's what friends are for." he said. "Knowing everything about each other and it being ok. " I smiled at what he said though I knew nothing about him. Not really. "Besides." he said. "Ive done way worse." he glanced down at me and gave me a warm comforting smile.

"Like what?" I asked him.

"That's a story for another time." he said as I leaned into him a little more taking In his warmth.