Pattern

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

// Avery //

The funeral was during school, so every year was made attend. I think everyone wanted to, and not just for the time out of class. I think a lot of people were still shocked that she was gone, snatched away so young, and the priest said this while I stood near the back of the church, but I was able to see since I was tall. 

I remembered my mom's funeral, and there had been a lot less people. Her family, whoever they were, didn't attend. My dad's mother did, and she held my hand throughout the whole thing. She'd been great for the year afterwards, but then she'd passed away, and I just had my dad. But that wasn't anything good. 

I guess I had Prudence too, and we used to have fun doing stupid stuff because Prudence was one of those people who wanted to try everything at least once. She also thought it was the coolest thing ever that her dad was a police officer, and used to pretend that she was a detective. I remember being forced to watch Nancy Drew again and again, though I never really minded, because it wasn't a terrible movie, and now it sort of reminded me of her, because she was becoming Nancy Drew, just like she wanted when she was eleven.

But Nancy Drew had her weak moments, even though she was super smart and strong, and that's what I wanted to tell Prudence, because rows away from me, she was sobbing onto her best friend's shoulder. I felt like I should do something, but there was nothing for me to do. She wasn't my responsibility, even if I somehow felt like she should be.

It was sad, even sadder than my mom's, because the church was full of people crying for a girl they barely knew, because she'd died in the worst way, even though she never should have died in the first place. There's a picture of her on the coffin, and it was closed from the start, because the family didn't want anyone to remember her with the scars on her face, making her look like the joker from Batman. But the picture makes her look even younger than fifteen, and it's awful, because when you're fifteen, you really are just a vulnerable kid, no matter how much you pretend otherwise. 

And I bet the parents in the front row, clutching each others' hands for dear life, feel just as lost as any kid would, and I feel bad for them, but I don't say anything because they don't know me and it would be weird. 

I walk out like the rest of the school, and we're allowed to go home, so I do. 

Because there's nothing else to do, since she hasn't talked to me since yesterday, and there's no one else I can tell anything to, so I decide to play guitar and sing for a while, til my voice wears out, because apparently it's productive, and I want to do something worthwhile. Since I can't study, it's really the only thing. I want to help figure out why everything happened, but I don't know how. 

I've done a lot of shitty things in the past, and at first everyone forgave me because my mother was dead, but then as it continued, their opinions changed and suddenly they began to believe I was always like this, and I'd killed my mother just because I was a horrible person, and I didn't feel anything. They didn't remember how much I cried at the funeral, or locked myself in my room for days, or ignored everyone. 

The only people I'd talk to after my granny died was my dad and Prudence, and when I was fifteen I pushed her away, like I had with everyone else, and I could never tell her why. And I think she'll never trust me again because of it, even though she never judged me like everyone else seemed to, I ended up treating her like them. 

Of course, that's not among the worst things. When I left my only friend, I joined a stupid gang so everyone would hate me even more, and did stupid stuff for money, and robbed and hotwired a car because I thought I was super cool, and spray painted random walls, and hit people I didn't like. And everyone truly began to believe that I was just a bad person, a waste of space. 

And it all backfired on me anyway, because I owed the gang money, and they started to turn on me too, and they still hound me because I owe them, so there's a chance I'll get hit robbed outside my own house, and I've had so many encounters with the police. It is a genuine miracle I've never been to jail, because I easily could have.

And in school, nobody cares about who you are now. It's only ever who you were.

--

"Nobody's been reported missing," was the first words that came from Prudence's mouth when she passed me in the hallway in school. I stopped, moving towards the lockers so we could properly talk.

"Do you think it's stopped? There was only meant to be two?" I asked, and she looked up at me with those big blue eyes that revealed everything.

"I don't know.. Hanna was found on a Thursday and Lucy a Friday, so whoever is doing it could be changing the days easily.. But I really hope it's over." She took a big breath. "Anyway, I've to get to class. Just thought I'd tell you the good news."

"Thanks," I murmured, moving past her, to get to History.

History, like every class, was shit. But Crystal reappeared, this massive grin lighting up her face when she turned to talk to me. "My party was cancelled because of the girl who died, but it's been rescheduled for this Friday. Hope to see you there, yeah?"

I nodded, confused. Either Crystal had begun hanging out with Gareth and Howard's group and devised a plan to destroy me at a party, or she was stupider than I'd thought. Or she had genuinely realised I was trying to do better, and wanted to thank me for it. Ha. Yeah, that'd happen.

I doubted I'd go anyway, even if I had nothing better to do on a Friday night. Me at a party was a pretty disastrous scenario, I'd knock everything down or something. Like my dad, I was violent when I was drunk, and I was fairly sure the aim of high school parties was to get very, very drunk.

Howard grinned at me from across the room and I was officially creeped - obviously they were plotting against me. I wasn't really sure if I cared. I'd forgotten that he'd come back, and hadn't had the chance to, you know, hit him in the face. Of course, then I'd be expelled, but I felt like I had to do more avenging than Prudence had, slapping him across the face hadn't caused nearly enough damage.

It had been exactly a week since the incident, and Prudence's nose was almost healed, but she still whacked her hand or an object off it and let out a cry of pain now and then, and this was only when I was around her, so I guess it hurt more than she had let on. And my face didn't really ache anymore, though I was downplaying it too, because I was used to it, but also because two girls had been tortured and murdered and they'd never had the chance to complain about what they'd suffered, so I'd feel shit if I did.

The school had set up a memorial poster for them both, and I saw it on the way out. Hanna and Lucy's faces were smiling, like there was nothing wrong. The only indication that anything was wrong on the poster was the big "RIP". Otherwise, it could be congratulating them on their exam results.

I walked home alone, like usual, but I missed Prudence's company, as much as it annoyed me at the time. I considered texting her later, considering I still had her number from when she'd rang me.

But, in the end, I didn't. 

I'm not sure why.