Feelings

The Tear

  A drop of clear salty liquid secreted from glands in a person's eye when they cry or when the eye is irritated. That is a tear. But my mind a tear is weakness, a symbol of loneliness, the truth of my pain. Each tear the falls symbolizes my wish for something better.

~ "Shit, what have I done". I'm sitting on my bed, thinking to myself. There's the text. The end of my relationship. I mean of course i knew he would hurt me again. He already broke my heart. Why wouldn't he say that i'm pathetic? The fact that he had called me beautiful and is now calling me ugly. Or how he says iv'e changed. I don't change. I stay where I am, while other people go on with their lives. I don't change, just peoples view on me,and the world change. "i'm sorry".send. Kinda funny how he hurts me and now i'm the one apologizing. When all I did was stand up for my believes. But no. I'm back where Iv'e been before. In the dark,hoping someone doesn't walk into my room to find me crying, and then try to save me. I get up frantically searching for them. Where are they? I look in my chair. On the table. At my makeup desk. Book bag. Bathroom. I collapse onto the floor. Then I see them under the chair. I smile through my sobs, because I know that since iv'e found them, I wont hurt anymore. I grab the teal blue container their held in. Taking the lid off carefully. There they are so beautiful ,so shiny, so sharp. My razors glint in the light. I let loose. Pressing it into my skin. I pull it across. Slowly at first. But then faster,and faster,and faster. I'm not even looking now. I put the blade down. And grab my pillow screaming into it. The screams of sadness. I pull away from the pillow. I walk over to the bathroom. I stand in front of the mirror looking and my wrist. I sit on the side of the tub. My tears leave my eyes landing on my wrist. It stings. "This is the last time" I lie to myself once again, Fore I know this is not.~

I'm running in the same circle throughout my life. I hate it, I hate everyone else, I hate me. I hate that I was born. I hate that i'm still existing. I hate that everyone else hates me. I'm done trying. But i'm not done crying, the tears that burn when they fall.