One Day Too Late

Between The Roses

Echo's P.O.V.-

She said it would all go away if only I kicked that chair.

She said dead people can't feel.

She said if I wore a necklace of rope it would keep the emptiness away. 

She lied. 

Because I'm sitting here, between the roses, wanting to kill myself all over again. I asked Jordan to leave me alone today, when all I want is someone to make all of this make sense. How can I miss someone so much who's right there?

That's not even it though. You can be perfectly happy, doing whatever, and all of a sudden you have a weight on your chest. It knocks you down. You stumble over the ropes around your feet, as they drag you into an endless black hole. Then you sit there, waiting for an explanation. 

You wait, and realize no one's coming. You find out that you've pushed people away so much, they don't even think to reach down a hand and pull you out. It's not their fault, you've told them so many times, they begin to believe it. 

It's ok, I'm fine.

I've got a headache.

I'm just tired. 

You feel like you deserve every tear, every drop of blood from your skin. It's lose-lose. If you tell someone, you hate yourself for being a burden. If you don't, you curse yourself for pushing everyone away. It's your own fault you're alone. it's your problem, if you could fix yourself you'd never have to go through this again. 

They only give you two options to fix your battered psyche. You can take your pills, be a good little puppet. Pretend everything's okay. 

Or you can jump off a bridge of brittle leaves. Just step out, the bridge that barely supports it's own weight would crumble under the burden you carry around. The words that pile up, every night crying yourself to sleep, the insufferable silences. 

They build up, over time, until you've got a mountain, crushing you with every breath. They build up until you can't take it anymore. The weight tips, and it pushes you off the tree branch you stand on. A rope made of stars comes to take you home, catching you in your fall. 

But somewhere in between, you're caught. Twisted up in seeing your best friend deal with the mountain that toppled off your back and onto hers. You watch her visit a silent grave, lay down roses and water them with a salt water shower and stricken screams.

And there you stay, between the roses, until she forgets you existed. It seems very much like she has, but I'm still here. My eyelids are closing, my brain is trying to take me out of this inferno I've placed upon myself, but my mind can't shut down long enough to let go.

Please

Just

Let

Me

Go

I'm fading, flickering like an old black and white movie. Every once in a while, it almost seems like there's water on my cheeks, but I can't feel anything. And the dead can't cry. 

But would it fix anything> Everything I've been through, all my struggles, my life, even my death, have meant nothing. I've been a phantom ghost who, even when alive, never let herself live. And now I've fallen. 

Take me up, on a tightrope to the sun
Let me stumble and fall, only caught by one
Small cloud, drifting by underneath
Let it take me back up to where I can breathe
When the night falls, and I'm all alone
Lower a rope made of stars so I can go home
Breaking through the sky, to where I belong
Drifting above, with wings of song
As I hear the final chords
I'll climb my dismal staircase words
Brilliant light fades to black
In a world to which I'm never going back
But at least I can finally sleep
As mourners down below will weep
Hollow eyes
Whenever someone tries
To break through the sky