The Little Boy I Ached To Be

I have a little secret,

no one can know but I guess I can find room to tell.

The body I was born in makes me depressed to the brink of tears.

I'm told that I was not made to be a boy,

that i'm too girly.

I carry on a feminine like appearance to please people such as my parents and to go on

without the blank stares from the rest.

My favorite color is pink,

my wardrobe is nothing but dresses.

I continue this appearance in hopes to push this idea that I have a boy hiding on the

inside of me.

Too scared to come out with this thought because I was shot down by counselors and

therapists.

I stare at myself in the mirror,

I hate my big breasts,

I hate my curves.

I will never be the way I wanted to be ever since childhood.

I'll never be the handsome boy I ached to be.

People throw bible verses,

medicine,

and harsh words thinking that if they pelt my heart with rocks,

the idea of being transgender will just disappear.

I don't want to be this way,

I am not a girl.

I'm a boy trapped in a females body and I can't escape it.

Your transphobic comments make me sick,

each day I grow depressed knowing that I will NEVER be what I was suppose to be at

birth.

Which is a boy.

Why can't I be happy like everyone else?

I want to wake up every morning with a smile,

I want to look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed.

I want to achieve the happiness I've been looking for my whole life.

I have yet to find it.