The Lemon Meringue Boy

Part 42

He was breathing heavy. My question still hung in the air. He couldn't deny it now. 

It seemed to take him a while to realize that I wasn't actually going to hit him. Once he did, he put down his arms. His face filled with rage like water fills a sink. I never would have expected what he said next.

"Yes. YES! I'm SCARED. I'm scared of everything!!! HAPPY?! But how could I not be? I don't have powers I'm stranded in a world that wants me dead and I'm not even supposed to be alive in the first place and when the Council finds me they won't stop at the void this time, that's for sure!!! And YOU!!! You're three times my size and you hate me more than DEATH! Not to mention you tried to kill me twice in the past few days and threatened to more times than I can count! You've manhandled me and punched me and dropped me on the floor and slammed me into a wall and tied me to a tree!"

I was speechless. I knew it was true, but I didn't expect him to admit it. He was trembling with rage or fear or panic or maybe all three. I started to see pinprick tears building in the corners of his eye. Purple and cosmic. The only other time I'd seen those tears was during his first meltdown. They weren't pain tears or laughter tears. They only happened when he CRIED.

"If you want me to thank you for saving me than THANKS! If you want me to apologize than SORRY! I don't know what I'm even supposed to BE anymore! No powers, no purpose, no prophesies, no joy! I thought I'd never say it but I'm gonna! You were RIGHT! I'm PATHETIC! I'm WORTHLESS! I'm the biggest WASTE OF TIME in the multiverse!!! HAPPY?!?! DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY PINE TREE?!?!"

"BILL! STOP!"

He stopped. His face was wet with swirling galaxies. He seemed to finally realize what he had been saying. His eye was wide and panicked. He couldn't take it back. He had just admitted that he was scared of his worst enemy.

"You made your point. You understand the irony in this, don't you?"

Bill looked confused.

"I'm bigger than you. More powerful. I've done all these terrible things to you and you're scared for your life. I threatened to kill you. I tried to kill you. Sound familiar?"

Realization crossed Bill's face, making him stumble back as if he'd been slapped.

"I'm turning into you.... I'm as worthless to you as you sacks of meat used to be to me... And you... you're me... I can't..."

He was stepping backward, shaking his head with denial. He tripped over a piece of portal debris, falling hard on his backside.

"Calm down. You're okay. I don't want to be you any more than you want to be me. Just calm_"

"NO! I'M THE KING OF THE NIGHTMARE REALM! I'M ALL POWERFUL! I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY!!! I'M BILL FREAKING CIPHER AND I GET WHAT I WANT AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO COWER AT THE FEET OF A PUNY HUMAN!!!"

"You already did."

That was when he cried. Full on cried. Milky, dark purple tears poured from his eye like the falls down by the lake. I couldn't stand it. Bill Cipher shouldn't cry. 

"Stop it. Stop crying. Look at me."

Bill looked at me, the tears once again swirling across his eye in a thin film.

"You're right Bill. You're supposed to be the king of the nightmare realm. You're supposed to be all powerful. You were never supposed to cower. But you did. You hate it. I hate it. But you can't go back now. You've done what you've done and what happened happened and you can't change that."

"Good pep talk kid. I'm really feeling it now. You should write inspirational speeches because that. That was wonderful."

"I wasn't done, you ass. You can't change what happened, but you sure as hell aren't gonna cry about it. You are BILL CIPHER. No matter how powerless or small, Bill Cipher doesn't cry. When life gives him lemons, he says 'fuck you, life' and turns them into baby heads or something. Bill is an obnoxious, insane demon no matter what."

I just wanted Bill to stop crying, but I soon realized that I meant every word I was saying.

"And I don't want to be that obnoxious, insane demon any more than he wants to be Pine Tree. So I'll make you a pact. I promise I won't hurt you. I promise that I'll stop tying you up and lifting you off the ground by the arm. BUT. You have to promise that you won't hurt me or my family and you have to promise that you'll stay close. And one more thing. No more melting down. No more crying. It makes me uncomfortable and it makes you uncomfortable and nobody wants that. Just be Bill. You be Bill and I'll be Dipper. No more trading out."

He just looked at me with an unreadable expression. Maybe shock, maybe confusion, maybe happiness. I held out my hand to him.

"Deal?"

He stared down at my hand then back up at me, stunned. It was backwards and we both knew it. Just as I was about to pull away, he grabbed my hand. His palms felt ice cold like death and radiated some sort of aura of the exact stuff that nightmares were made of. But I didn't pull away. I had shaken his hand once before. It had a purpose. Bill looked up from our joined hands with an expression I'd never seen on him. Thankfulness.

"Deal."