MEANT TO BE?

Chapter forty-three

They can't do this, they just can't.
"What are you talking about I don't need to go to some fricken inpatient program!" I shouted at the doctor.
"Marisa," El's quivering voice cut in, she was so quiet I almost missed it.
"What?!? I'm not doing it you can't make me. I have a say in this! I'm fine!" I screamed at her.
The three girls just stood there, tears beginning to trickle out of their eyes.
"Marisa, no you're not. Please let us help you." Danielle choked out after a minute or two of silence.
I looked pleadingly at each one of them, silently begging them to understand, to say something. When nobody responded, I felt the tears I had been holding in give.
"This can't be happening!!" I grunted, allowing a loud sob to escape me before curling into a ball, hiding my head under the pillow.
I lay there while everybody was talking, tuning out everything they were saying. I could not comprehend it. How could this be happening? I promised myself I wouldn't get to this point again.
I felt a someone gently grab my hand squeeze.
"Marisa, please do this. please?" Perrie's quiet voice begged me. I didn't answer I remained silent, tucked into my own little cocoon.
"Let's give her some time to absorb all of this." The doctor said to the girls. I heard feet shuffling and then the door gently open, then close. I was alone.
What is happening to me? I told myself I would not do this to myself again. I poked my head out from underneath pillow and sat up.
I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that when I opened them I would be back at home. Knowing the truth, I hesitated before opening my eyes. When I did, I realized I really was in a hospital. I really was sick.
I threw my pillow across the room. I tried to breathe, but I only chocked on a sob, which was followed by many more.

I knew the consequences of this, but I'm not sure I was strong of enough to do this again.