I Could Be Nothing But a Memory to You

Chapter 17

I followed Alex up to his room, or at least I guessed that was where he was taking me. "Watch the dogs, they're not vicious or anything but they do like to jump up." Alex warned as we reached a door and he turned into it quickly. I stepped in after him and he shut the door fast before the two now barking dogs could escape. "Peyton, Baz shut up." Alex said and I laughed as I leaned down to pat the small brown and white one at my feet. "Baz, right?" I asked scratching behind his ear. "Uh, yeah." Alex said while wiping his hands on his pants. The other much bigger white and brown dog came barreling towards me and before I even had time to react had jumped on me. I fell back on my butt and Alex quickly grabbed him.

"No Peyton, that isn't nice." he scolded gently pushing the dog away. "Are you okay?" he asked turning around and holding a hand out for me. "Yeah, he didn't hurt me." I said softly while taking Alex's hand and letting him pull me to my feet. I didn't want to let his hand go when I was on my feet and reluctantly I let my hand slip through his and fall by my side. "Do you want to sit down?" he asked gesturing to his bed after a couple moments of silence started to feel awkward. "Uh yeah." I said nervously and took a seat on the soft bed. Alex sat down next to me and I looked over at him. He looked the same as he did this past summer but his hair was slightly shorter and the sparkle in his eye was no longer there but for the most part he was the same Alex.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" he inquired and my mind went through all of the things I wanted to ask him, all the things I wanted to talk to him about. Did he miss me? Did he ever still think about me? Was there another woman now? My mind raced with questions but I settled on one, the one that had been bothering me since the day I had left. "I just wanted to know why. Why did you do it Alex?" I questioned and he looked overwhelmed even though it was only one question. "I shouldn't have, never mind Alex." I said jumping up but he caught my hand. He stood up and didn't let go of my hand as he came close to me.

He stopped right before our bodies touched but he was close enough that I could feel his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. "Leah, I thought it would be better for you. I hated knowing that I hurt you and I didn't want to do it anymore." he said as he looked into my eyes and when he finished I took my hand out of his. He looked upset at the loss of connection between us but I currently just wanted to smack the shit out of him. "You are fucking stupid Alex." I said feeling my anger surge through me. "I know I'm stupid, you don't have to tell me that." Alex said softly and I could tell he was still hurting over the entire thing but so was I. Alex had chosen this without even asking me, he had made a decision for two by himself. "Alex, you decided something that should have been decided by both of us, not just you. When you came back from your walk that day I was going to tell you I loved you, that we shouldn't fight anymore but you went and made that decision." I told him and his eyes were wide at what I said.

"Oh." was all he could manage to say and I looked him over. He looked torn up and I knew he was beating himself up for moving so quickly. Right then every other question had been answered for me; yes he missed me, yes he still thought about me and no there was no other woman, there probably would never be one that could ever bring Alex to tears this way. "Alex?" I asked softly putting my hand on his forearm as I saw him start to tear up. My heart wrenched as the tears filled the brown eyes and slipped down his face. Even with my heels on he was still much taller than me but I didn't care. I pulled him so he was leaning his head on my shoulder and rubbed his back as the sobs worsened. His tears wet my bare shoulder but I didn't care. I leaned my head against his and quickly kissed his temple. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he sobbed into me.

"Shh, it's okay. I forgive you Alex." I said stroking his hair soothingly and rocking from side to side. Instantly I felt less empty, I knew that I didn't have Alex back but the anger I had been feeling towards him was gone. Forgiving him was a lot easier than I thought it would be and it also felt better than I ever thought it would. He pulled away for a moment and looked into my eyes. "You forgive me?" he croaked and I nodded. "Don't cry anymore please?" I pleaded gently and he nodded. I steered him to the bed and made him sit down while I ran into the bathroom connected to his room. I grabbed a couple pieces of toilet paper and walked back to Alex who was slowly getting himself under control. I handed some of the toilet paper to him to wipe his nose and I used the rest to gently wipe away the tears away from his wet face. I was just getting the left side of his face when he caught my wrist.