For You?

Chapter 6

A chill silence filled the air as her word sunk in. Lilly's whole body started to shake and tears fell from her eyes, but I didn't find myself immediately comforting her as I usually would. Instead my arms fell from her side and I got up from where I had been lying.

"I'm sorry!" she sobbed in an outburst. "I love you!"

"I don't understand" I said coolly, but digging my nails into my palms. "why you didn't tell me." I walked out from the bushes and away, despite hearing her sobs. I couldn't let myself say or do something I'd regret.

I kept making myself put one foot in front of the other, all the way up to when I'd made it to my dormitory. I couldn't let myself think about it yet. Finally once I'd got past the door and into my bed, thoughts flooded my head.

I tried desperately to make sense of the situation, figure out the whole story, but I couldn't. I knew I did love Lilly, but it was hard when I knew she'd loved Lisa as well. What had she seen in Lisa? I repeated these thoughts over and over when I heard a soft tapping at the window. An owl with a letter.

I ran to the window and practically tore the letter out of its claw. It hooted indignantly and nipped my finger before flying away. I ripped it open and started to read.

My dear Evie,

I'm so, so sorry I never told you about Lisa. I tried to think of a way I could tell you, but as time went on it became harder and harder.

When I first joined Hogwarts, I was so upset at being sorted into Hufflepuff and Lisa comforted me. We grew closer and I started thinking I liked her, but that stopped me from seeing what she was really like. At Easter, we were still together even though I started to see how manipulative she was and she went home to her parents for the holidays. When she came back, she treated me like one of her minions. After a few weeks I confronted Lisa and she said that her parents had made her realise just how bad being gay is. She told me I was disgusting and that I was a stupid dyke who'd forced her into a relationship. I tried to cut ties with her but she said if I wasn't friends with her she'd tell the whole school, and my dad, my secret. She'd convinced me I was wrong for liking girls, and I couldn't let that anyone know that, so I stayed and let her treat me the way she does whilst calling herself a friend.

But then, you turned up and I realised that being around you was what love felt like. I realised because of you that I had only ever been infatuated with Lisa and you gave me the motivation to keep on living until I saw you again.

It's only now I could try and get away from her because she can't expose my secret anymore, but I have to remain with her or she'll take it out on you. I would stay with her my whole life to stop her hurting you.

I love you more than anything. I know I'm a crap girlfriend but if you still, for some reason, want to be with me, meet me in the trophy room at midnight tomorrow.

Yours forever,

Lilly

I read the letter through again and again, each sentence feeling like a punch in the stomach. I had been with such an incredibly strong girl and had just let her go without even letting her explain herself. Tears fell onto the letter, spilling out of my eyes faster than I could control them. It made me feel like so much more of an idiot when I knew how bad she felt about this, but I understood now why she hadn't told me.

I despised Lisa even more now. I'd hated her before, when I'd only known how she had treated Lilly badly and stopped her from seeing me, but now it was past hatred. She had emotionally manipulated and bullied her for over two years, but the worst part was that Lilly had been letting her purely for my sake. She was choosing to stay in a horrible situation simply so I wouldn't have to deal with her. Because she loved me. And she still did.

Tomorrow, despite the risk that we would get caught, I would go and see Lilly and apologise for everything. I just hoped she could still love me for it.