AN: Hello everyone! Hope you're having a good week if you're at work or back in school. Here's the next chapter, I don't want to waste too much of your time, but this chapter specifically (But in general Anthony and Matt's presence in this fanfic) is based off of an amazing song from Next to Normal called "I'm Alive", so if you have a free second you should listen to it!! Well, that's it for my rambling!! Enjoy the chapter!!
"Hey man!" Anthony said to Ian as he looked around the room, "how've you been?" Ian saw Matt sitting by the door to his room; he looked up with a smile when he saw Ian.
Ian waved to them and replied, "I'm great, how are you guys?" Ian noticed Matt and Anthony look to each other, clearly sharing some secret with one another, "What was that about?" Ian asked with curiosity.
Matt spoke up first, "I just didn't think you were going to come back. I was worried you'd forgotten about us." As he stood up Anthony sat down on Ian's bed.
"I'll never forget you guys," Ian reassured, "I'll always remember you guys. No one ever forgets their best friend; no matter how far apart they grow. I love you guys like brothers!" Anthony and Matt smile as they listened. "...but I won't always be able to visit you."Ian said, his tone growing melancholy as he stared at the sheets, trying not to make eye contact, "What I'm trying to say is, I can't see you guys anymore; those pills aren't safe."
Ian looked up. Anthony was starting to cry while Matt started to look agitated. "I thought you said we were your brothers! You said you wouldn't forget us now you're saying you won't see us anymore? What the hell man; how can taking a pill be dangerous. It's just a little pill!!" Matt said defensively.
Ian watched their reactions in shock, he knew they weren't real, just hallucinations caused by morphine, but it all felt so real. The way they could make him laugh was just as strong as the way they could make him hate himself. "I wish I could visit all the time, but David and I were talking about how dangerous the side eff..."
"Oh; I get it," Anthony said, wiping away the tears, "You don't really care about us, you care more about David than us!! You just met him! You can't seriously be replacing us with him!"
Matt watched Ian in disgust, "I can't believe you; that guy, that guy in your bed, he's not good. We're the good ones! We are your friends!"
Ian knew Anthony and Matt weren't alive, but he couldn't figure out why his brain would make Anthony and Matt attack him. No matter what Ian said or did Anthony and Matt just continually yelled back. "Please, I want to hang out with you guys too! It's just; I want to hang out with the real Anthony and Matt. You guys are nightmares, not my friends."
Anthony looked into Ian's eyes and realized that attacking him would get them nowhere. "Look," Anthony said reaching to touch Ian's shoulder, but Ian pulled back out of his reach, "I'm sorry; I don't even know why I was so angry before. I guess I was just jealous... that I'm dead." Ian watched them both carefully. As much as he wanted to trust them fully, he couldn't. Ian just shook his head in response. "Stop Ian!" Anthony yelled suddenly, a gash appeared on his forehead. It was followed by several others. Soon Matt had them too; they both began crying in agony, begging Ian to stop hurting them. "This is your fault Ian!! It's your fault we died!" They chanted this repeatedly as Ian pleaded with them to stop.
"No! No, please! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!" Ian yelled as he shot up in his bed breathing heavily. David had been trying to wake him up when he started yelling by shaking him gently. When Ian finally woke up he looked frantically around the room to find Matt or Anthony to apologize; to beg for forgiveness.
"Ian! It's okay, I'm here; I'm here!" David said softly, rubbing Ian's back. David knew Ian somehow must have taken a pill or two. "They aren't real Ian, calm down." Finally Ian relaxed into David's caring embrace he knew he didn't deserve. He did exactly what David begged him not to do. Yet David wasn't mad or upset, just concerned.
"I-I had to say goodbye," Ian said, trying to justify his actions, "I needed to say goodbye." David just nodded as he held Ian in his arms. His eyes were watering because he knew that all he could do was sit idly by as Ian went through all of this pain and heartache. He couldn't spend every night at Ian's house after all. Instead he focused on the current situation. "I'm sorry David. I don't know what I was thinking." Ian added, pushing himself higher in the bed so he and David were at eye level.
"I know. It wasn't you making the choice. You couldn't help it, we just have to try and stop you from being able to make the choice." David said before he kissed Ian. He smiled and laid his head on Ian's chest, "Tomorrow we'll flush the rest of your morphine. All of it; and then you're going to spend the night at my house."
Ian nodded as he wrapped an arm around David. He knew that's what he needed to do, but now he had the thought in his head that somehow Anthony and Matt's deaths were his fault. He needed to say goodbye without them yelling at him. He wanted a happy memory to think on when he missed them, not the nightmare he'd received. Again he was stuck trying to choose between his friends and David. He couldn't stand hurting David. Even though David acted so strong he was just like Ian; trying to be strong for someone else.
Ian curled himself around David as he drifted off to sleep, deciding the problem could wait until tomorrow. For now, Ian thought, I should just focus on the here and now.
