Unfaithful✔️

Love Was Not Enough

Love was not enough.

"You need to go." Johnathon said, trying his very best to keep the panic from coming through in his voice.

Whatever alarm or fear that seeped through in his voice was mistaken by Kayleigh as the aftermath of their pleasure. His voice always went husky that way. The sound of his words filling her ears made her smile but only for a moment until she processed the meaning behind them.

"Can't I stay a little longer?" Kayleigh tried to use a persuasive tone but he had immediately built up a brick wall between the pair of them after he realised the stone-cold truth of his actions- again. Every part of her hoped he would grin back at her and nod yes. All she wanted was to lie with him after but that was only her wants and seldom her reality.

Kayleigh never stayed.

She couldn't, she knew not to ask why.

"Chloe will be back soon." The mention of her name coming from his lips made a hint of a shiver almost crawl on her skin.

Chloe.

How could she forget about Chloe?

Kayleigh was constantly reminded of Johnathon's girlfriend in everything that they done together. What was occurring just then being a perfect example, as he practically threw Kayleigh's clothes at her and shoved her out the door of the apartment when she was dressed.

And just like that, Kayleigh was not his concern anymore- Chloe was.

Chloe.

What was he going to do? Everything had already been done. The secret promise Johnathon had made to himself only last week had been broken in one afternoon with Kayleigh. The pattern had developed into a clear and vicious cycle he could not hide from.

He fought his demons alone but he was losing the battle. Why could he not stop? It hurt him. He could feel the aching in the pit of his stomach again, the lump in his throat that he could not swallow no matter how hard he tried. Frustration ate away at every sense of hope left within that this would be the last time he saw Kayleigh.

Why couldn't he help himself?

That was the question that lingered in his thoughts constantly. Would he ever be able to stop? Every part of him wanted to say yes but this want was not like the rest. It was half-hearted. It was weak although it did not seem like it at first.

Johnathon mulled over the previous events of his morning with Chloe and his afternoon with Kayleigh as he cleaned up the apartment- aiming to rid any traces of the other woman that hesitated their disappearance. If only his faithfulness was stronger than his ability to conceal his mistakes.

The dulcet murmurs of nearby traffic that could be heard from the balcony did not calm him like they usually did. He thought maybe a cigarette would do the job instead but it didn't. Nothing helped the sobering thoughts of the mistakes he had made today and all the other times before. With every puff, his condition worsened.

Guilt.

The guilt just wasn't enough although Johnathon wished it was.

Why did he do it? He did not know. If he did, it would never have gone this far. Once you crossed the line once, it faded with every step you took over and back. His mind focused on Chloe again while he waited for her to return home.

Love.

It was something Johnathon could not understand- because he loved Chloe, with all the words he would never speak and all the thoughts he would never release. It was the kind of love he hadn't felt before her. Chloe was not his first relationship, she was not his first love but his feelings towards her were the most intense he had every experienced with another person. Surely love would be strong enough to stop you from hurting the source of your feelings? He needed to make himself believe it was the love that was not strong enough instead of coming to terms with his weaknesses.

But love was not enough.

He could love Chloe down to the bone, he could love the person she was behind her appearance, he could love everything about her- and he did, that did not stop him from going after Kayleigh when he knew it was wrong.

If Chloe were ever to find out, Johnathon knew it would ruin her. They had been together for longer than five years, both sharing that amount of time in their lives when lots of changes happened- except for the love they had for each other. They were in their late twenties, and Johnathon knew that in the next year or two he needed to get serious about his relationship with Chloe. But could it go on if she found out about Kayleigh? Certainly not, but he did not know which would be worse: Living with all the lies that continued on with his relationship with Chloe or living without her. Neither were good and the thought of her leaving him made his stomach drop. She was the glue that held him together.

Weak.

Johnathon was a weak man, although he would never admit that. Chloe understood, even at times when it was most difficult for anyone to understand- she was always there. She had been so good to him, too good and he had let her down.

He closed his eyes after he lit up his second cigarette and began puffing away again. It took him a long time to decide his final thoughts on the matter. He pictured Chloe's face if he told her the truth, everything that needed to be told could be spoken in few words- she would not need to know any details for it would crush her even more. Could he really do it? How would he be able to continue with their relationship? How could he ever make her his wife, the mother of his children if he kept this big secret from her?

He had made his mind up.

But Johnathon had always been easily swayed.

The sound of their apartment door shutting made him wake up from his daze. Chloe appeared in the doorway of the balcony and gave him a knowing look.

"How many have you had this morning?" she tilted her head then, half-serious.

"One or two." He sighed, putting out the end of his smoke.

She pulled out a chair and sat down at the table with him on the balcony, looking out at the view as if she had never saw it before. Her presence engulfed him, so much so that all of his reasoning seemed to disappear from just minutes ago. Chloe turned to look at him, she gave him a sly smile once she caught him staring at her.

"A picture would last longer." She said dryly before the two shared a short laughter together.

And just like that,

He changed his mind.