Best Friends (phanfic)

Danisnotonfire

"Hello Internet! So, as so many of you guys have been demanding answers from me about 'WHeRes pHIL?!?!?1!!11!!!' and 'why is he not in the usual setup?!' Well, as you'll all probably be so devastated to know, because Phil and his lazy ass hasn't made a proper video about it yet, Phil's moved out of the apartment. Yep. He's got a girlfriend and a child and everything! Pretty crazy, I know, ha ha. Phil's daughter is called Daisy and we even have the same  birthday. How crazy is that?! I know you've all also been wondering why I took seven months off of all my social media and YouTube, so I'll explain that too. Actually, things have all been pretty hectic this year. I asked Phil and his girlfriend if I could make a video about it, and they said that 'yes I definitely should' because Phil's a little lazy motherfucker. So, as his best... friend- I'll tell you everything that's been happening so far..."

As Dan Howell began telling a very heavily modified version of everything that had happened in the past miserable year and a half, he couldn't help but let a lone teardrop trickle sluggishly down his cheek. A bitter stream of tears began to follow suit, and then an entire salty waterfall of them overflowed.

"Dammit!" the dark haired boy scolded himself under his breath before having a brief meltdown in front of the camera. He sharply took in a shaky breath of air, involuntarily hiccuping as he breathed out. This was it. He was hysterical. The pain of the waves washing over him was excruciating. How had he not broken down sooner? He had lied to himself countless times whenever a hint of emotion began to scratch the surface of his mind:

You don't miss him. He's with his wife and he's happy. You're not sad. You're not. You're not sad at all.

He whispered this harshly to himself as he dragged himself towards the bathroom, as if trying to convince himself that what he was saying was true. Every touch his pale skin made to the stone cold floor sent shocking chills creeping up his spine, electrifying his senses and reminding him even more of Phil's eyes.

Those eyes. They seemed to teem endlessly with life, just like one of those incredibly curious rockpools that you would discover on Brighton beaches as a child. They possessed happiness and hope. Dan really really needed some happiness and hope.

Ugh, here he was again. Thinking dark thoughts again. Thinking about him again. This time, he wouldn't let himself be engulfed by the very darkness that had consumed his sanity last time. He had realized how terrible he had become when Phil had left before. He didn't want to let even a miniscule sliver of suicidal thoughts or anything to do with that enter his mind. If he was sad, let him be sad. But he wouldn't ever let himself become depressed again.

Starting up his camera again, after making sure that all signs of tears had vanished off of his face, the llama-loving boy continued where he left off.

Hopefully he could fool everyone, but they would still be pretty concerned. Putting on this tough guy act was silently murdering Dan from the inside out. He couldn't even handle it before when Phil had left him alone in the apartment for a couple of days to see his family. Being away from him was like being away from oxygen.

Maybe he would be Phil's gravity and Phil would be his oxygen, in an alternate reality.

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Nice Bring Me The Horizon reference if I do say so myself...I'm a huge procrastinator and I've had a lot of stuff going on recently so it's been a month since I last updated this. Who am I apologizing to lol no one reads this.