I didn't know who else to turn to. I wanted to help but I wanted to be mad. He wouldn't tell me no matter what I did. He wouldn't let me help. And that's all I wanted to do. So, I turned to Quinn.
"Hey, you're really close to Kai, right?"
"Yea, we're like best friends. Why?"
Did I really want to ask? What if he got mad that I asked and found out? What if I shouldn't know? But, what if he needs me? I had to.
I told her how Kai had been acting odd lately and I knew something was wrong. The color in her face faded and her smile fell.
"Oh..." she sighed.
"So, do you know what's going on?"
She looked down. "I might know.... BUT. If I tell you then you have to promise not to tell him I told you because I have this feeling you aren't supposed to know."
I wasn't supposed to know? What could be so bad that I shouldn't know?
And then she explained.
The words slowly flowed out of her mouth like molasses. I took it in word for word and processed it, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to believe that he was this hurt. I didn't want to believe that this was happening.
I didn't want to believe that I couldn't help.
After she explained everything she knew, she looked at me. "You okay?" She asked.
"What would you do," I replied. "If someone you loved was going through something that hurt them, and you didn't know how to help, what would you do?" I figured she would come up with something amazing. Something I could do to help. Anything. But she just looked down and slightly shrugged.
I wanted to go meet him after class and hug him. I wanted to hold him forever. I wanted to tell him it would all be okay. I didn't know if any of it would help. But it's all I could think of. I would do whatever to make him happy. Especially now, when he really needs me.
Now I just had to figure out what he needed me to do. I thanked Quinn and walked out.
But I didn't meet him after class. I didn't hug him. I didn't hold him. Instead I thought everything out. Every detail. Every moment I had overlooked. And I forgot about making him happy because I was filled with a constant guilt. For not finding out he was unhappy in the first place.
