Wanting You

Chapter Nineteen

Avery

I woke up and was happy to see Colton with me as I was cuddled into his chest with his arms around me. When I fell asleep last night he wasn't here so seeing him when I woke up put me in a good move.

I fell asleep at ten last night, but I know he probably slept at one or two in the morning because of his non stop social media life. So instead of making a bunch of noise in the room I just used the bathroom as quiet as possible and went downstairs with my laptop to the kitchen. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down on the counter. After I opened the laptop I went to YouTube and clicked on subscriptions, I saw a few videos but one stood out by Colton that was posted yesterday and it was titled 'I love you''. Yesterday was Monday though and he never posts on Monday's.

I opened up the video and it started playing. Colton looked different than he does now, and the quality of the filming was not as advanced as it is in his videos now. I could tell it wasn't filmed now, but maybe a year ago.

Why is he posting it now though?

That was confusing but I still kept on watching. "Hey" he said, looking tired. The room was slightly dark, and it looked like it was filmed in the middle of the night. "This isn't like my usual videos, I don't think I'm even gonna post it but I just need to say it" he said pulling at his hair. He looked like a mess, and by now my coffee was placed on the table as I was too nervous to do anything other than fidget with my fingers. "I need to let my feelings out, the feelings that I have been keeping in me since forever, and I don't think I can go on like this anymore"

"It was in the end of elementary or the beginning of middle school I think, and I developed this crush on a girl. I've known her since I was little, and growing up with her that crush developed, and became bigger everyday. Until I fell for her, which didn't take long actually. I wanted to tell her so bad every second of each day, but I was afraid. I was afraid she didn't like me back and when I told her it would ruin the great friendship we had built over the years.

"I wanted her like crazy. Every time I looked at her I wanted to kiss her, hold her, hug her, do things to her that a friend shouldn't. I wanted to feel her, I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs how much I needed her."

By now I could see his eyes even tearing up. It killed me to see him like this, hearing him talk about this subject, and hearing the pain in his voice was hurting me. I felt myself tear up as well. He sounds so depressed, so furious. I've never seen him like this. This girl means a lot to him, I don't know if it's the crush he told me about or if it's someone else, I'm so lost.

"Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, months turned to years and I didn't say anything to her. It got harder to hold back from her, harder to not want to kiss her and touch her but I held on. Now, now I can't hold on anymore. I feel like I just want to go to her, and just blurt it out. Blurt the fact that she had me wrapped around her fingers so tight, I can't go anywhere. If any guy showed interest in her I would threaten him, or just stick her to my side not letting her go. I know, selfish, but I wanted her to myself. I always thought about our futures. Would I get what I want, or will she find someone and live her life with him? How many him's will I have to suffer through until she finds the one? Will I be the one? Those thoughts killed me, and they still do."

"This video is just for me, I'm not going to upload it because she will see it, and I don't want her to. I know I should be daring and just do it. But she's my best friend and I can't do that to her, or to us" he said finally staying still and looking straight into the camera.

What, his best friend? Who's his best friend other than me? Wait...

"I love you Avery Wilson" he said.

I was staring at my laptop screen. My mouth wide open, my cheeks wet, and my eyes as big as saucer pans. I felt like I couldn't breathe, and the air wasn't passing through my lungs.

"I'm in love with you"

I wanted to turn off the video so bad, but I knew I couldn't. I had to keep on listening. How was this possible. For years I went through the exact same stuff he mentioned in his videos. I fell for him so hard but didn't want to say anything because I was scared it would ruin our friendship. All this time we could have been happy together, but we were both scaredy cats that couldn't come clean. We put ourselves through this, and I can't believe we both feel the same way.

"I want to be with you, I really do, But I can't. Avery I really want you. I want to be happy. You make me happy everyday with just our friendship, but I still feel like I'm missing so much. I need you Avery. I can't go on like this. I've been strong, I've been keeping myself held together. I want to let loose and tell you." His eyes were red and so was his face now.

"I know we may never be together, I know that you will find someone, and I know that until the day I die I will love you. I will love you so much that it will ruin me because you won't be by my side." I was now sobbing full on, my tears wouldn't stop flowing, I felt like my heart was being ripped into shreds.

"Avery if you see this one day, just know that I've loved you more than a friend almost our entire friendship. I want you to know that no matter what we go through, you will be a big part of my life that I'll never forget. I want you to know that you are the only girl I've ever dreamed of being with, Your the woman that is in every guy's wish list.

"Your perfect, so damn perfect. And maybe that's why fate hasn't put us together. Your happiness in a bottle, and whoever gets a chance to open that bottle, in a way that's not platonic-" he said chuckling in a way that had no life to it

"-is the most luckiest person alive." and that's when he stopped recording, and the screen went black. I was in so much shock as I just watched a video that literally changed everything...

And at the moment he's upstairs.

I ran so fast up the stairs to my room, that the gym teacher would regret giving me that eighty percent and probably would have turned it to a hundred!

I barged into my room ready to jump into his arms, but Colton was not in the bed, nor anywhere in the room. Looking around I saw that the window was wide open though.