The pain is real

True heart break

"Blake no you can't come in here."

"Gwen baby come on what going on? I'm not going anywhere so you might as well let me in."

I hear the door lock pop and the door slowly cracks. My heart breaks as I see her sitting on the floor in front of the sinks. Her face is buried in her hand resting on her knees. Seeing her bawled up like this tears falling and sobs wracking her body breaks me as I feel the tears well up in my own eyes. I bend and sit down beside her. I don't ask questions or push her, instead I pull her into my lap and just hold her. Her head falls to my chest, her face buried, fists clenching my shirt. I can feel my shirt becoming wet with her tears. I wrap my arms around her holding her tight to my chest. I'm rocking her slightly like I have seen her do so many times with a crying Apollo to sooth and clam him, hoping that it will have the same effect on her.
..............................................................................................................................................
Gwen's POV

He has been sitting here for who knows how long holding me, rocking me, telling me everything is going to be ok, that's he is here, and I'm safe. Finally I feel the tears subsiding, the sobs having stopped a little bit ago. I pull away slightly, just enough to wipe my eye and readjust myself in his lap to a more comfortable position. As the tears have stopped I feel him start to say something and then hesitate, before deciding to go ahead...

"Gwen tell me what happened? What's wrong? Your scaring me sunshine."

"Blake.." my voice breaks as I grip him tight "I... I.. I lost the baby. Blake I'm so sorry. The baby...." I break into sobs yet again.

I feel him tense when I tell him. I feel the sob threaten to break his composure, but he fights it. He holds it together for me because I'm so broken. This man loves me so much he sets aside his feelings, his need to grieve, his need to cope all in order to take care of me. What I did to deserve him I don't know. Just like I don't know what we did to deserve this devastation. Haven't we been through enough? Haven't we had to deal with enough loss? Hasn't life thrown enough shit our way? I don't understand.

"Shhhh, Gwen I'm right here. I know right now this seems to big but we will get through this. We have to...for the boys."

I feel him take his cellphone out of his pocket and hear him typing. I feel the vibration letting me know that whoever he text responded.

"Gwen I text Jen. She is coming to get the boys."

"Blake I.... I can't.."

"Shhh Gwen she isn't coming up here she is gonna text me before they leave. I'm gonna go down and talk to the boys and then you and I are going to the doctor to get everything checked out. Ok?"

"You can't leave me Blake. Please don't leave me." I cry out

"Shhh I'm not going anywhere sunshine. I'm not leaving you." His arms tighten around me as I hear the familiar ring of FaceTime.

"King hey buddy. aunt Jen is coming to get you and your brothers, ok? Can u bring your brothers over to the iPad. Hi boys look, momma doesn't feel very good and right now she needs me to help take care of her so you guys are gonna go hangout with uncle Todd and aunt Jen ok?.." they must nod as he goes on "everything is gonna be ok and I'll be there to get you before bed."

"Blake is mommy gonna be ok?" I hear Zuma ask worried laced through his voice.

"Mommy will be ok Zuma I promise. I'm gonna take good care of her alright. I expect you boys to help me take care of her by being my good boys while your at uncles Todd's.
I need you boys to be big strong boys for me."