Maya Hart's Roommate of the Opposite Gender

A Letter from Joshua Matthews

A/N: so this is the sequel y'all have been asking for... For those of you that haven't read Joshua Matthews's Female Roommate yet, I highly suggest reading that before you continue on with this. For those of you that have read it and enjoyed it, I dedicate this to you. Thank you for sticking with me on my first story. I really appreciate it. Without further ado, I present to you Maya Hart's Roommate of the Opposite Gender.

Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Disney. I do not own them.

I'm sure by now you've seen Maya Hart. She's got this vibe about her that's different than any other girl you will ever meet. Forever tainted by a rebellious streak and growing ever more gorgeous, she seems like the roommate of your dreams, right?

Wrong.

Here's my advice to you: If you value your sanity and enjoy being treated as a normal human being should, I suggest you find a new roommate. Eventually, she will drive you absolutely insane. She never listens to anyone or anything.

I know I may sound like I'm exaggerating because, geez, she's absolutely gorgeous. But I'm telling you, begging you even, to take this advice. It'll save you months of getting driven up the wall from insanity induced by Maya.

So... to show you exactly what you won't be missing, I made a list of the torture I've had to take over the past several months.

Trust me. Looks can be deceiving. She's not all she's cut out to be.

So... Here we go...

1) when you set up a chore schedule, she completely disobeys it and leaves you to do them all on your own
2) still doesn't follow the chore schedule, even when you punish her
3) won't let you touch any of her things
4) super short. always complains that she can't reach upper shelves and cupboards. expects you to drop everything at a moment's notice so you can help her reach
5) refuses to eat anything but fast food and junk food all the time. and she leaves her garbage from her food everywhere too.
6) #5 forces you to remove any junk foods from the apartment because it gets to the point where you are concerned about her health
7) intimidates any girl you bring home (girlfriends, just friends, study partners, you name it) to the point where they won't come back unless he's not there
8) sleep walks and always ends up making a mess of the apartment
9) never ceases to criticize your fashion choices
10) trashes all dates you have and won't shut up about how you can do better
11) when you offer her massages, she takes either avoids them or takes them unappreciatively
12) constantly avoids warm hugs and cuddles
13) won't let you run your fingers through her hair but does it to you nonstop
14) it doesn't matter how hard you try, she hates you in her "personal space bubble"
15) sleeps in short shorts and a tank top. you've seen her. you realize how this becomes an issue.
16) has more products and things in the bathroom cabinet than you do. you will never have much room for your stuff.
17) stingy about her car, her food, her clothes... Everything!
18) expects you to be nice to her cocky dates who automatically hate you for living with her
19) has the nerve to get irritated when you scare off said dates (Best method? Walk up behind her wearing gym shorts and no shirt. Drives her dates crazy jealous.)
20) makes a huge art mess when upset with her life. be prepared to take care of a mopey and hormonal girl. also be prepared to clean up her mess.
21) walks around in a t-shirt and underwear after her shower
22) almost instantly finds your ticklish spot and uses it to get what she wants
23) has this stupid rule that she made for herself where she eats tacos for every meal at least twice a week. her burps are horrible afterwards
24) if she's in a bad mood, she will come and burp in your face on days like this
25) also has days where she eats candy for every meal and hits sugar highs. she's a huge mess when this happens
26) likes idiotic comedies when all you want to watch are deep analytical thrillers. As a result, movie nights are spent arguing.
27) always out to prove you wrong or compete against you. Gives you no choice but to do the same
28) will throw fruit and remotes at you when she's on her period
29) I can do her hair better than she can. causes her to go into a rage because "boys shouldn't know about braids and buns..."
30) she has these extreme boundaries set up. if you invade her personal space, she will kill you... not totally unwelcome if you bring a girl home because she won't ask if you are sleeping together
31) leaves her paint bottles everywhere
32) ruins your nights with your friends by being uncharacteristically mannerly and then all your friends want to talk about for the rest of the night is how gorgeous and perfect she is
33) lounges around in her bikini when the AC is broke. too attractive for her own good. you will find yourself ogling.
34) on weekends, she sleeps in well past noon. she never gets anything done
35) invites her mom over at least twice a month. her mom will always ask if you're dating yet or if you've at least slept together once or twice. then she keeps the subject of a possible relationship up for the duration of her visit
36) gets oddly jealous and defensive when you mention running into exes
37) the rock music... and the pop music...
38) "accidentally" walks in on you in the shower at least twice a week because she doesn't pay attention. learn
38) girls' nights... they're loud and messy and 100% insane. don't expect to get anything done
40) some of her friends will hit on you
41) don't try to date anyone while living with her. they all get hopelessly jealous and the whole relationship goes down the drain in a matter of days
42) leaves you stranded in the shower without a towel as punishment for not washing them
43) forces you to stay locked in your room when you're sick when all you need is to be taken care of
44) gets irritated when you hit on her friends
45) turns into clingy puppy dog when she's sick yet refuses to sleep or drink tea or take any kind of medication
46) she weighs close to nothing but she punches harder than you imagine
47) she is not a morning person. she will stay up until 4 am partying but do not wake her up before noon the next day. she hates to be up before noon on normal nights anyways...
48) if you leave anything personal lying around, she'll get into it

And that pretty much sums her up.

Maya Hart can be pretty annoying, but at least you can count on her being there for. Eventually the two of you will become, at the very least, loose acquaintances. And she is extremely loyal. So go easy on her. She can be an amazing girl when she wants to. Hopefully you'll learn to see past her flaws and love her.

Best,

Joshua "Josh" Matthews