Oh, Valentine’s Day; A day of love and despair for the people living in this wondrous world. Maybe you’re in the sunny sides of California or the snowed up colds of Idaho. Maybe the Eiffel Tower lights up your front porch with more than a little bit of morning sunshine. Wherever you are in the world you either get to spend the day with your beau or alone, subject to watching depressing movies about love on FX and Lifetime or looking up weird sights to get “happy” to. If you aren’t alone on this day, that’s great for you! Now leave my “advice” article because none of the information provided below is relevant to you. No my friend, this little gist of advice is for the movie watching, ice cream eating loners out there in nowhere land. Below is a small list of examples to feel amazing on this overrated day of amore. As well as some reasons on why you are still single.
Reasons Why YOU Are Still Single
Let’s face it, we all get a little upset when you see a girl/guy, who is two times uglier than you, with her boyfriend who may or may not be the bomb.com. Now, why are you not getting picked to regenerate the gene pool by having a beautiful beau of your own?
1. Your personality sucks. I’m not saying you are all hermit on everyone and that you steal from people’s trash cans but I am saying that people don’t find you to be the most appealing creature. They may rather play leap frog with unicorns than accompany you for t-5 seconds. The reason your personality sucks?
Well my dear sad little friend, human psychology shows that when you are generally un-happy with yourself, others won’t be happy with you. The key to this is to find out who you are and what makes you happy and then working on from that. Now people can start to like you!
So be happy with yourself and who you are and then your personality with delve from that.
2. Before you correct me or say that I am superficial, look up what I am about to say. People with bad hygiene are not the favorites of other social beings so when you tend to smell bad, others don’t like your presence. So, for the love of all that is good, take a shower and get some STRONG deodorant. You could be the most attractive person with the best personality out there and I still would not come near that.
3. Get off the internet and live a real life. We don’t care that you constantly stream EVERYTHING you do on twitter/facebook to show you have a life and that people like you when in reality, you don’t. So save your computer and electronics some energy and go climb a tree! You may meet the love of your life(: Or maybe some nice squirrels.
E>Tips & Tricks to a Happy V-Day<3
1. Don’t sit down, get up and get out! Instead of weeping because you have no valentine, go out and do something productive! Walk your dog, clean your house, bake cookies with your mom, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or practice your sport. Whatever it is you do, do it today and just treat Valentine’s Day like another normal day because technically, somewhere in the world Valentine’s Day has already passed.
2. Dress up for yourself! Instead of looking horrible, dress up for today and get you’re pretty girl/hot guy disguises on! Go find yourself a valentine at the movies or just have a jolly time with yourself while hopeful breaking some necks while you are out!
3. You don’t need anyone but your friends! So go out and have fun with your closest gal pals or gentlemanly mates. I can assure you at least one of them is having a horrible time just like you and their mom declined their offer to be their valentine too!
4. When worse comes to worse and your dog or cat even declines your offer, there are always willing, online perverts that would love to talk to you. Whether its Chatroullette or Skype, go out into the cyber world and find someone because I guarantee you that they are as lonely as you! You can always find free party hotlines to live it up at night. So don’t pout just because you’re without.
5. Now, this is the ultimate low but it is still considered an option. You can always be your own valentine and use “Jill” for a good time. Write yourself a love letter and put it in the mail, sent from a different name, and give yourself as a surprise to show that someone actually cares about your lonely butt!
Develop multiple personalities and talk to yourself while chilling out to My Bloody Valentine and plotting your next victim.
Maybe you should take an innocent bystander off the street and force them to be “yours”! Or do it the legal way and hire a male/female prostitute to listen to you rant about how your ex left you. Or maybe you’ve never even had an ex and want to rant about how your cat scratched your face and took all your tuna! That lousy cat!
Well, I hope you all have a SPECTACULAR Valentine’s Day and I hope all you teens keep your V in day if you know what I mean. If you do not understand me, then I will put it in simpler terms for the ladies out there. KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED! Try not to cry to much my loves<3
Drop a comment or vote home skillets! Maybe fan or p.m. or throw your electronic devices against the screen because you were just served with the ugly truth.
Stay Beautiful My Little CupeyCake GumDrops!
Love me or hate me, it doesn’t really matter cause I don’t give two flying flock. Unless you love me, then I LOVE YOU TOO! You should feel special.
You’re Welcome.
-Siena (:
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The Ugly Truth
Non-FictionDo you have something bothering you in your personal life and need an outside opinion on? Well you've come to the right place, I am going to try and tackle all of this in this lovely book called, The Ugly Truth. Hopefully I can solve some problems w...
