You Can't Survive Alone

Part 10

The next morning
I walk into the kitchen and Zack is the only one there at this early hour. I grab some dried cereal and pour it in a bowl.
"Hey, Ash."
"Hey, Zack," I mimic his tone.
"So... What's going on with this whole disease thing?"
Jess already spread the knowledge around? Wow, she's fast. I sigh. "I'm going to have attacks for the rest of my life, but it will decrease in number and frequency. They're like panic attacks, but also with increased anger."
A stunned look comes across his face. I can tell he didn't expect me to actually tell him, that he expected me to avoid the question.
"Wow. That sounds terrible, I'm sorry." I can tell he's regretting asking me so straightforwardly, but it isn't the end of the world that I'm going to have these attacks.
"Yeah, it kinda sucks." I want to change the topic, so I ask, "how's Kat?"
He doesn't expect me to ask me about that, so he looks mildly surprised until he gets his face under control. "You're very straightforward today. Kat is fine."
I decide to bother him some more. "How are you AND Kat? Are you gonna be a couple or something?"
He looks completely shocked. I can tell he hasn't thought that far ahead yet. "Yes... No... I don't know! Kat and I are just friends!"
"Oh Really? She doesn't seem to want to be just friends with you. You don't want to be just friends with her."
"Okay, okay, fine. I kind of like her. There! I admitted it? Now why are you jealous?"
Now it was my turn to bristle. "I am not jealous! You're my best friend. I want you to be happy. If being with Kat makes you happy... Well... Go ahead."
I can tell that wasn't the answer he was expecting. "You mean... It's okay with you? If I like her?"
"What are you, stupid? You're my friend! I want you to be happy."
"Okay, okay. Thanks, I guess."
"You're welcome," I say, and walk out of the room.
As I'm walking down the hallway, I see Aaron. "Hi," he says quietly.
"Hey. Where is everyone? They all still asleep?"
"I know Jess is awake, because she came to my room this morning. Sorry about that, by the way."
So that's how Jess got the message out! She must've just walked around to people's rooms.
He looks uncomfortable for a minute, then says, "I was about to go on watch duty. Want to watch with me?" Day watches are usually done alone; it's only night watches that have two people.
"Sure. Can we stop by my room so I can grab my stuff?"
"Okay." We walk down the hall to my room, and he stands in the doorway while I strap my sword to my back. I'm not sure why I agreed to watch with him; doing watch is an enormously boring job. Almost nothing ever actually happens that we would need to be alert for.
"Thanks for waiting for me," I say as we walk to the watch station.
"Anytime," he replies.
We sit down in the chairs and wait for the end of the watch.

A few hours later
Zack and Kat walk down the hallway to relieve us from our watch. Zack looks slightly surprised (again) that I had agreed to do watch with Aaron.
"How was your watch?" He asks as he stops in front of the station.
"Boring, as always. Good luck with the night watch." I'm still kind of annoyed with him for thinking so little of me. I don't get why he didn't expect I would be ok with him liking Kat.
He looks at me, slightly annoyed about my terse tone, as I walk away with Aaron.
"What was that about?" He asks.
"Zack and I... We're kind of fighting. He likes Kat, and I could see that, and I was completely fine with that. He didn't think that I would be, and I think he's angry with me. I'm just annoyed because he thought that I wouldn't be happy about him being with Kat. We're just friends, so I am happy for him." It's nice having someone I can talk too, and know that they won't go tell everyone else. That's kind of how Zack and I are... Or possibly were. I hope that we still are.
"Oh. I hope things get better between you two."
I turn around to look at Zack. He's smiling, and looking at Kat. It's almost as if I've gone completely invisible to him.
"I hope so too. Come on, let's go get some dinner."

Middle of the night
I wake up to someone shaking my arm and saying my name quietly. It's Zack.
"What's going on? What time is it?" He should know that I hate being woken up. We've been friends for almost our entire lives. This must be something important.
"We need to talk." Are you kidding me? He woke me up in the middle of the night to talk. I really hate him right now.
"Talk? Talk! You woke me up in the middle of the night to talk! I can't believe you."
"Shh. Everyone is still asleep. It's not precisely the middle of the night either; it's very early morning."
I look out of one of my windows. It's still dark outside. "Before sunrise, it is the middle of the night. If you came here to talk, talk all you want. I'm going back to bed." I lay back down but he grabs my arm and pulls me to a sitting position.
"Ash. Come on, this is serious."
"Whatever."
"Ok, I'll just talk. I don't want to fight with you. I'm not angry at you. I was just surprised that you were ok with Kat and I-"
I cut him off. "I'm angry because you didn't think I would be okay with it. There's only one thing I'm not okay with: you drifting away from me. I don't want to fight with you either. I don't want you to-to forget about me. I want to remain friends, even though you're dating someone else." Once I start the flow of words, the rest just pours out.
"See, this is why I need a friend like you. I need someone to tell me when I'm doing something wrong, or hurting them in some way. I promise I won't forget about you."
I didn't notice when, but sometime during this conversation I started crying. "Thank you. I'm glad we talked. Can we talk about this in the morning, though?"
"Okay. Sorry I woke you up."
"Sorry I was being a bitch."
"Don't worry, you're already forgiven."