January 1, 2015
Today is the new year, but don't be expecting a new me. I won't change. I'm still Michael. The one who has anger issues and yells at people too much. I've recently realized I'm not straight, but if you tease me or anything I'll rip your fucking throat out. I told Lindsay and she just smiled, hugged me and said
"I support whatever makes you happy."
So Lindsay and I have decided to separate. Nothing is formal yet. I know it hurts her, it hurts me as well, but I can't stay if I know it's not where I belong. Anyway, I can't tell who I've fallen for now. It's staying a secret. For now, I'm tired as shit so I'm going to bed.
I look up from the book. That was around the time Lindsay and Michael broke it off. I didn't understand why at the time (Michael had just said he didn't feel the same anymore.) It makes more sense now. I have the urge to read more, but I remember limiting myself to one entry a day. I close the book and set it down on the bed, then lay down, smiling a little for the first time in weeks. reading these entries make me feel like Michael's still here with me. I wrap my arms around my pillow and close my eyes, drifting into sleep on the bed that brings back so many memories.
-Dream-
I open my eyes and, standing in front of me, is Michael. He smiles sweetly and whispers to me.
"Hey, Gavvy..." He helps me up and hugs me tightly. I feel his lips gently press against the top of my head.
"Mi-cool..."
"I miss you Gav..."
"I miss you too Michael..."
"I can't stay long...but I want you to know that I'm still here, no matter what any fucker says." I chuckle at his attempt to sound emotional. It still makes me heart glow the same.
"I'll remember that..."
"Read the journal...it'll explain everything..." Before I can ask what he means, he disappears. But before I wake up, I hear his soft voice, the one he only uses around me.
"I love you..."
I wake up gasping and calling for him. But, of course, he doesn't answer. I sit back, closing my eyes and catching my breath. Even though I know he's here, I just feel empty without his touch. I feel empty without him.
