(Quick note before I start. I realized I'd screwed up. In the last chapter, Michael wasn't dating Gavin on January 1 and he died on October 7. And I said they had been dating for a year or so. I figured out how long acually and fixed it. Sorry about that /.\ Anyway I owe you two chapters since I missed last week. One is today next should be tomorrow or soon. Enjoy!)
I wake up the next day, wondering how I managed to only have one dream about him. Considering I’m in the bedroom, I thought I would’ve had way more. I force myself into a sitting position and gaze around the room. The journal is still lying on its place on the bed. I pick it up, remembering Michael’s voice.
"Read the journal. It’ll explain everything."
My eyes scan the cover, imagining his hands grasping this very same book. I set it down gently on the bedside table, deciding to read it later. I pull my body off the bed weakly and make my way slowly to the bathroom, gazing at the floor where it all happened. The blood has been cleaned up, so it looks like nothing even happened. I glance in the mirror quickly then do a double take. I don’t even look like me anymore. My eyes are surrounded in dark circles, my lips forgetting how to turn upwards. My hair, unruly as ever. I probably smell like sadness and depression. I turn on the taps and wash my face. I look back at my reflection, disgusted with it. I hop in the shower instead, hoping it’ll do something.
After an hour or so in the shower, I’ve washed my hair multiple times and scrubbed my body clean. Once I get out, I fix my hair and brush my teeth. Wrapped in my towel, I pad back to the bedroom, picking out my favourite pair of jeans to wear. But..what for the shirt? I take in my shirts then look over at Michael’s closet. I hesitantly walk over, as if he would come in at any minute and yell at me. I pick up his Rage Quit shirt and pull it over my head. I breathe in the scent and suddenly feel a little less lonely. I put on my sweater and a pair of shoes then make my way outside. The cold air hits my face, nipping at my nose. I close the door behind me and head out. It’s October, so the weather in Austin is just turning cold. The coloured leaves dance around my feet to an unknown beat. The birds overhead are flying south, their squawking all that can be heard in the silence of my world. But my brain quickly blocks that out as well. It’s been 2 weeks and a day. October 7 is the day it happened. I miss him more than words can explain. He was known as the Rage Quit guy, the one that yelled at everyone for any reason he could find. Some even said he had a cold heart, or none at all. The truth is, Michael did have a heart. A big one. He may have yelled a lot, but he was really sweet and kind, especially to me. In videos, he screamed at me, calling me an idiot. Afterwards, he’d hug me, reassuring me he was kidding. He’d kiss me gently and do anything to make me smile. That boy had a heart of pure gold. I let out a quiet sigh as I stop in front of the building. Roosterteeth. I haven’t been here since he left. I walk up to the door and open it. Kara looks up from her desk, her expression changing from bored to surprised.
"Gavin?" I force a tiny smile.
"Hey Kara." She walks up and hugs me.
"How are you holding up?" I shrug.
"Not so good. Has Burnie talked about me lately?"
"What do you mean?"
"Has he talked about firing me yet?"
"Gavin, he completely understands why you’ve been taking the time off. You miss him. He isn’t going to fire you."
"Thanks…look I just came for a quick visit. Tell the lads I said hi." She nods.
"I will."
"Cheers.." I step back out of the building and continue on my journey. I pass the flower shop where I bought Michael flowers for our 6 month anniversary, the toy shop we went in as a joke once then got kicked out, and actually stop into the bakery we used to stop at every morning. I get a chocolate chip cookie and a coffee before finally arriving at my destination. The park. I walk over to the small bench under the twin willows. I sit down, touching the empty wood beside me. Memories flood back instantly.
"Hey, Gavin?" I look up from my desk.
"Yes, Michael?" He looks at the ground.
"Would you wanna come to the park with me later?"
"The park?" He nods.
"Please?" I chuckle, agreeing. Later that night, I meet Michael at the park. We walk around a little, talking about work and new video ideas and such. Eventually, we take a seat on the wooden bench under the willows. He turns to look at me.
"Hey. Gav?" I look up from my hands.
"Yes, Michael?" He shocks me. He takes my hands in his and I feel his lips gently press on mine. I immediately kiss back, feeling him smile a little. A moment later, we pull away to only lock eyes yet again.
"Thank you, Gavin."
"For what?"
"For loving me.."
"Of course I love you Michael."
"Will you be my boyfriend, you little idiot?"
"Yes I will, you mingy little prick."
I blink, realizing I'm still on the bench but this time, without Michael. I stand up slowly, noticing the sun is beginning to set already. I make my way home slowly, feeling the air slowly get colder. I arrive at my house and make my way to the kitchen. I force myself to eat something for the first time in weeks. It feels weird. Trying to get back into the normal routine while knowing absolutely nothing is normal at all. I head to my room and pick up the journal. Entry number two.
January 2, 2015.
Today was pretty normal. Work was pretty fun, except for when I lost my shit while filming Rage quit. Gavin was there to calm me down after though. He always is. The fans don't know it, but I do. After work, I just came back here and sat alone. I love him. Gavin I mean. He's the mystery boy I've been hiding. I really do love him, but I don't know how to tell him.....
Anyway I'm off to sleep and shit.
I close the journal. I was the one he left Lindsay for. I never knew that was why because he never told me. I set it down and sigh. Guess that's enough for one night....
