I'll Fight The Fear Away- Solangelo

Hating Himself

((Authors Note: this whole thing is Nico's POV :D also a friendly reminder that gay people were persecuted more than Jewish people when Nico was growing up and that is very ungood for his self esteem))

I had finally woken up in the infirmary, surrounded by my friends. Percy was here, and Hazel was right next to me holding my hand. The Apollo camper, Will I think his name was, kept adjusting the setting on the IV in my shoulder. I opened my eyes a little more, and looked around.

"He's waking up!" 

"Nico!! How do you feel?" I looked at Hazel, who pushed my hair away from my face and kept holding my hand. 

"Wh... where am I? Why do I feel so..."

"You shadow-traveled too much, Nico. I'm so sorry about that." Reyna was above me, as intimidating and strong as ever. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

I sighed, pushing myself up into a sitting position. I'm shaking, and I feel so weak. "Ugh... s-stupid self. I can't even sit up anymore," I say. Hazel sits closer to me, playing with my overlong hair. I didn't have much chance to get it cut, but I like it long.

"Nico, you don't look so good. Here, sit against the wall." Will propped up a pillow behind me and leaned me back against the wall. I hated being taken care of, even when I'm sick. Hazel used to tease me about how I would never admit that I was sick until I died of the flu. 

"Thanks for doing all this for me, guys, but you really didn't have to. It doesn't make a difference really."

"Of course it does," said Annabeth, touching my shoulder. "You're like our family! Would you do the same for Hazel, or Percy?" I nodded, then flinched. Nodding hurt. Moving my neck really hurt. I lifted a hand to the spot that hurt.

"Don't touch it! That's a werewolf bite, it was really infected and had tons of dirt and grime in it," said Will. "It's a miracle you even survived it."

"You did all this for me?" Jason nodded. Reyna put a hand on my shoulder, and we all just kind of sat there for a while. The air was thick and humid, summer air. Then I tried to stand up, pushing myself off the bed and towards the door.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said you could leave?"

"I'm awake, aren't I? Not much else I need, right?"

"Okay. You're skinnier than my sword, and you have about zero nutrients in you. You can barely stand, you can't move your neck without pain, and you look pretty much dead. And you say there isn't much else you need?"

"Nico, please. Sit back down on the bed. You need rest."

"Haze, I'm fine," I said, complying. "I don't need this kind of care." Will put the blanket over me again, smoothing it down over me.

"I didn't do all of this just to let you walk out of the infirmary while you're still sick!"

"All of what?"

"Will! Will!"

"Hey Haze, wha-" he stopped short, seeing Nico collapsed on the ground. "Oh my gods. Do you- how did this happen?"

"Don't talk, just go, get him treatment!" Hazel practically shoved Nico into Will's arms, as he carried him into the infirmary he took note of how light he was. Heck, he shouldn't be able to breathe!

"Okay kids, we got a bad one here." The Apollo cabin collectively gasped at how bad a state Nico was in. Will put him down in the intensive care area, running around giving orders to the rest. "Victoria, treat those werewolf bites. Austin, get an IV into him quickly. Has he even been sleeping? Look at those dark circles! Cmon guys, get moving!"

After the intense urgent care was over, it was a traumatic wait for him to wake up. The campers had dubbed this the "wake wait", and it was a terrifying time. The wake wait could range from anywhere between two hours to two weeks. Sometimes they never woke up.

"I'll take first watch," Will said, sitting down in the chair beside Nico. All of a sudden, Reyna stumbled in; dirty, distraught, and she was covered in scratches.

"Is he alive?"

"Barely," Will replied, pointing to him. Nico really was in a bad place. His werewolf bites were looking kind of infected, and they'd had to remove the floral print shirt with a knife because of the dried blood sticking it to his body. The IV was pumping nutrients into him, but it wasn't going to do much good yet. Will wasn't even sure he could survive it. Luckily, the heart rate monitor was still beeping.

"Oh my gods. What have we done? Making a fourteen-year-old go on this quest, and making him shadow travel us everywhere..."

"He's been shadow traveling?! Are you serious, Reyna?" She put her head in her hands.

"Will, I'm sorry, but it was the--"

"Shut up! Victoria! Ambrosia, now!" The redhead rushed over to their emergency supply and brought out a pack of ambrosia squares and a bottle of nectar. Will gently opened Nico's mouth and fed him the ambrosia bit by bit, not daring to risk too much but needing him to be healthy. "How many times did you shadow-travel, Reyna?! Any more than four and it could have..." Will saw the look on her face and stopped. He turned around to see the monitor beeping slower and slower.

"Go! Go! Get some more nectar and someone work on him while I--" he was tripping over himself, assisting the other campers in putting more nectar in the IV and cleaning the rest of the cuts. "Bandages, Austin! Go!" The boy tossed a roll of gauze at Will, who wrapped the cuts and sanitized them. "Tell Hazel to get in here as fast as she can, Reyna. I want her in here, get every camper with a knowledge of healing in. How badly are the rest hurt?"

"No major injuries. I've been cleaning scratches for a while, bandaging cuts, nothing too gigantic. I'll get them in."

"All for... me? But I don't matter. Not as much as someone in the prophecy."

"Nico, without you we couldn't have had a prophecy. You are the one who saved us. You matter so much."

"Whatever." I knew I didn't matter as much as the others. They did important things. I was just the vehicle to get them there. Besides, I was broken. I was expendable.