Die By My Own Hand

Chapter 1

Faith

I am sitting on the couch trying to not worry about where he is. Apparently he is at a stressful point with this latest album and the alcohol helps ease it. I have begged him time after time to stop but he just walks away. I am afraid that it is going to kill him or worse destroy our family. Gracie and Maggie notice his constant absence. He has missed so many vital moments in their lives. I call Byron for the thousandth time but he said Tim has been gone for a while. I try not to let my mind wonder to the worse places but it so hard. Finally the door knob shakes and he stumbles in. I jump up and head to the door. “Tim where have you been?” I ask. “Out. Can you just relax?” “I can't relax Tim. I have been worried sick about you!” “Well here I am. Will you just drop it?” he asks trying to walk away. “Don’t walk away from this conversation.” “I'm not. I am tired.” “Tim. You need to stop drinking.” “I don't need to do shit. It makes me feel better!” he says turning around. “Just like being with you does.” he starts walking over to me slowly. I begin backing up, trying to keep some distance. “Tim. You're scaring me.” I say as my back hits the wall. I start shaking as he gets close enough for me to feel the heat from his body and smell the alcohol on his breath. His body presses against mine, trapping me between him and the wall. I don't want to make eye contact, I learned that trick so many years ago when I was in an even worse situation. “You are so beautiful.” he slurs as he rubs from my forehead down to my cheek. “I can't be the only one feeling this tension.” he says. There is no tension just alcohol and fear. I finally decide to make eye contact and Tim takes that as an excuse to go ahead and kiss me hard. I feel like I am going to throw up from the taste of whiskey on his tongue. He finally breaks apart and I gasp for air. The kissing moves down to my neck and he bites extremely hard, causing me to yelp. At that point I attempt to push him off. But when I moved he pressed into me harder. “Where you going?” he whispers in my ear. “To check on the girls.” I lied. “They will be okay.” he says kissing my lips again. He gets to the first button on my blouse but can't unbutton it. He sighs frustrated and grabs both sides and pulls. I hear the fabric rip. “Tim! This was my favorite shirt!” I say aloud. “I'll buy you a thousand of them.” he says kissing my newly exposed chest. I don't want this, not when he is this drunk and doesn't know how strong he is. “Tim. I don't want this.” I say as he is trying to get my bra off. “Yes you do!” he yells frustrated and at that point my bra is almost ripped. “Baby. Not when you are like this!” I say trying not to cry. He backs off of me but he is mad. “I just wanted to have an intimate moment with my wife.” he says through clenched teeth. “But-” was all I got out before it all happened. Next thing I know I was on the ground holding my face and Tim had his arm raised. “Did you just?” I ask crying. Instead of answering all he did was walk away and slam the bedroom door.