TAINTED LOVE // Tate Langdon

six

an: happy late xmas everybody <33

I woke up for school, only excited for English because that's my only class with Tate. I can't hang out with him at my house, but my dad can't stop me seeing him at school.

I looked over to my record player. It was still on the same vinyl Tate and I were listening to. I didn't want to change it or move it. I felt secure with it just as it was when Tate was here.

I threw on my backpack and begin to walk up the street in the direction of my school while my spoiled rotten sister back out of the driveway in her car. She drove up to me, stopped, and flipped her gucci sunglasses on her forehead. It's crazy. If people only saw me as a representative of our family, they would feel bad and think that we are insanely poor, but if you flipped it and they only saw my sister, they would hate us and think we are flithy rich. I'm not denying the fact that we're rich. People just where their money differently, I guess.

Oh yeah, my sister's name is Victoria. Typical rich white girl name, huh? She rolled down her window. "Avery, don't you know it's going to be like 90 degrees outside today? Why in the world are you wearing leggings and a black t shirt. Like, God I swear you're such an embarrassment I wish you weren't my sister." She finished and then rolled off. I don't see why it's a problem to her, though, since we go to completely different schools. I go to the washed up public school and she goes to a school for gifted kids. Yes, gifted as in "these children are the next einsteins and everyone who graduates this school automatically gets accepted to all of the ivy leagues" kind of gifted. I mean, she already has college reps from all over the US trying to scout her but of course so far she's too good for any of them. She even rejected Stanford and Brown. She said it's because she's waiting to be accepted to Yale or Columbia. I think she takes all of the for advantage. I'd do anything to at least graduate high school with a high enough GPA and MAYBE be accepted to a decent college but I think it's all bullshit, anyways. I'm convinced the education system was built just to lower kids self esteem and make them feel bad about themselves. I brush off Jessica's stupid comment and continue to walk in the direction of the woods. "Embarrassment" my ass.

You'd think i'd cry from her constant judgements but I'm pretty used to it by now. Don't get me wrong, I used to be so sensitive to all of her ignorant remarks but now i'm just numb. I can't say they don't affect me, though, they just come and stay with me. It's almost like if someone keeps getting hit with a car. The first couple of times is near death, but once it keeps happening you've already experienced that excruciating pain before so you know how to cope with it except in my case, I cope with almost everything horrible in my life by cutting. It's my one true guilty pleasure and sometimes I just can't help my own damn self. I just go on autopilot. I'm not in control, i'm never in control. It sucks, but that's just life, right?

Regarding my sister, despite all of it, I just feel bad for her in the end. Of course i'm immensely jealous of her, but someone that bitter has to have problems with themselves because why else would she take it all out on me? I mean, i'm bitter but at least I'm up front with my insecurities instead of trying to convince myself and everyone around me that i'm perfect.

I arrive at school right when the bell rings at 8 o clock leaving me no time to go to my locker. It's alright, though, i'd rather not have my books and get yelled at by my teachers than dive into the socialization blood bath of the locker area.

My feet direct me to my favorite class of the day: 1st period Standard English: Room 9.

I bravely stepped into the sea of wild teenagers again and thankfully made it my to my seat in the corner. My heart sunk as I approached my desk. Tate was no where to be found. The sound of a million voices and yells muted as I took my seat.

The teacher took role. "Is it just Mr. Langdon who is absent?" He asked but of course no one paid attention and answered. Man, I feel bad for him. I made eye contact and nodded. If only the rest of the oblivious students could get their head out of their asses and communicate to the teacher for once, damn.

I took my note book out of my backpack and onto my desk to take notes and decided i'd actually be a sufficient student for the day. The lesson today was on "Romeo and Juliet", the book we were starting to read for class. I've already read it, it's one of my favorite books. I'm very selective on what I consider my favorites, with everything that is. My top three favorite books would have to be Romeo and Juliet, The Catcher in the Rye, and The Scarlett letter.

I opened my notebook, with my pen in hand. On the first page was a note, in the same chaotic hand writing as Tate's. Immediately, I smiled and my mood brightened. At least I knew he was okay now.

I don't want to set the world on fire

I just want to be the one you love

— TAINT

I finished reading the lyrics of the same song we fell asleep to yesterday. He must've snuck this in my notebook since my backpack was downstairs near my dad's office.

Taint. I giggled at the nickname he gave himself. I flipped the page and there was more.

Tomorrow, Halloween. Meet me at the forest?

I bit my lip and flipped the page again. My heart felt warm anew, just as it did when I was with Tate yesterday. I wish he was here with me now.

+

All day I couldn't stop thinking about Tate and I's date for tomorrow. I mean, I could call it a date, right? I didnt care, I only cared that i'd see him. I longed to feel as happy as I did yesterday with him. I craved it like the coke whores crave their fresh white cocaine.

The bell rang for lunch but I always skip lunch. It was either eat my lunch with the people I hate or eat my lunch in a bathroom stall so I just decided to do neither and just sit alone on the ledge looking over our school garden.

Our school garden looked like shit. When I say "garden" I mean a couple of hydrangeas with double the weeds. I wouldn't be surprised if someone was growing pot in there. Our garden club is weird as hell. I just know they're all stoners.

I reach in the front pocket of my backpack and pull out the brand new pack of cigarettes I copped from our liquor store. It's pretty easy to get a pack if you're underaged. All you really have to do is become "friends" with the loser who works the late shifts and bam. It's raining cigarettes.

I know what you're thinking. Cigarettes kill. That's the thing, though. My life has gotten to the point where I feel like I have nothing to lose, so if this is the way I die, from smoking a single cigarette, then so be it. Fuck it all.

I feel a body slip next to me and I jump. "Need a lighter?" A voice belonging to Tate says.

I close my terrified eyes and breath out. "Tate you scared me half to death!" I exaggerated, giving him a playful nudge on the shoulder.

I place my cigarette in my mouth and he lights it for me. "I thought you weren't afraid of anything." He winked. I shook my head and laughed. He pulls out a cigarette from my pack and lights one for himself. "Did you get my note?"

I took a puff of my cigarette and nodded. "Yeah... where were you this morning?"

He leaned over, kissed my cheek really quickly, and then sat back down. There we sat, side by side, staring at the shit garden. How romantic for a semi first kiss. Tate breathed in his cigarette. "Don't worry about it," he said. I looked over at his devious smile and couldn't help but kiss him, for real this time. I leaned it and placed my hand on his cheek, placing a soft kiss on his lips. The bell rang and we went our separate ways. I returned to class and my tainted love returned to wherever he came from.