I can't help but feeling I've failed
Your fist hits his face, you don't know why exactly. You heard this ringing in your ear, and then it just happened. He didn't fall down, which was good, he was probably just surprised. You felt this yearning for him to leave in the dark pit of your stomach, that you didn't care for. Instead, he lunged for you and you let embarrassment and fear overtake you as you tackled him to the ground, and punched him. Until you were finally pulled away by a teacher, and you stared him down until he walked away. You hated yourself for what you had just done, but you hoped he would forgive you, and understand. But why would he? He didn't deserve what you had just done. He tried to help you, and you ruined it, like everything else.
Let's be scared together
Let's pretend that nothing is awful
The first time you saw him at the graveyard you were visiting your mom. Before all of this started.. before you fell in love. But what is love? What do you know about it? But, you know that his face is always on your mind, and you want to feel him in your arms forever. So, when you see him at the graveyard this time, you stop. You look up from your mother's grave as you recognize his voice, and the hurt in it. You can tell his voice is sore, it sounds like he had been yelling. And then you hear sniffles, and you see his shoulders shaking, like they do when he holds back tears. So, you stand up and go to him, despite the tension that had built between the two of you, ever since you fought, and you kneel beside him. Then, you take him into your arms and hold him as tightly as you can, kissing his head and then tucking his wavy locks under your chin, trying to protect him from his own demons, from his past. You might be hurting him more than helping, but you push away the thought and let him cry into your shirt, stroking your hand over the back of his hair with vague memories of him telling you how his mother did it when he was upset.
There's nothing to fear
Just stay right here
I love you
It's a year later when you out yourself to your dad, then to his friends, then to the town, when you kiss him, warm and right, under the Christmas tree in the center of town. He cries a little less at the graveyard nowadays, and you do too. When you cry. You smile more and his smile brings out the light in his eyes, which you love, which makes you laugh. You think about what the you a year ago would have done, if you had told him that he would have a boyfriend, that your dad would be.. okay with it, that you would have friends that are werewolves, vampires, and witches. That said boyfriend would do magic tricks for you while you cuddled him by a fire.. which he lit.. with his hands. Which you still think is unbelievable. And that you would find a family in your lovers' own. The old you would spit in your face, and call you crazy. But the you, now, looks at the boy inches shorter than you, wrapped up in your arms night to night, and you couldn't think of a better way for your life to be.
Look at us, four old friends
Four unlikely lovers
We don't know what time will bring
Let's look like we haven't,
and each say nothing
It's almost ten years later when he gets sick, when you sit in the hospital with him every night, sometimes on the chair, sometimes tucking him into you and holding him like you're afraid he'll float away. It's on the fourth night Tatum and Blair come in, when you're half asleep, and Cas is drifting in and out of consciousness, as he has been all day. Tatum has her homemade chicken noodle soup in her hands, and Blair has a plate of cookies, and they wake you when they enter, not on purpose. All you can manage without sounding like a nervous insomniac is a smile and a nod to acknowledge them while you stand up to help them with a dish, the soup going onto a bedside table first. You and Blair ended up bonding over your mutual narcissism. At least, you call it bonding. Blair still claims she doesn't like you. But today, neither of them are their quirky personalities. Nobody from the pack really is. Not while Cas is only just staying stable and alive. Just then, you hear a groan from the bed, and you jump, then smile, first at him, then at your two friends. You faintly realize Blair isn't scowling today, you decide it's a good look on her. With their hands now empty, you see them holding each others hand, and it makes you smile as you remember their own relationship. You move over to Cas and you stroke your hand over his hair, murmuring a joking 'good morning' and then kissing his forehead. The two girls pull up chairs on the other side of the bed, and the four of you start chatting. Anything, to avoid the topic of sickness, and the dreary mood of the hospital on the progressively rainy night. You all reminisce on how unlikely your love was, on your love for each other, and what you think the future will bring for all of you. You all laugh, and you think to yourself, how nice it is to see him feel normal again, because no matter how much you try, being in the hospital for four days and five nights gets old. And when Cas falls asleep again, your laughter turns into sniffling and the battle against your tears, which Tatum catches, then, so does Blair, who just scolds you for even thinking of a possible negative. And you start to shake so badly you have to leave the room, where Tatum follows you out, and you finally say what everyone who had visited had thought to themselves.
