Ten Years Later

Chapter 9

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Steven. He is sweet, rich, handsome, safe, and caring. Are those really the only reasons why I love him? They're such bland reasons. I love his smile and the way he lights up when he talks about work, I just wish he lit up like that when he talked about me. It wasn't always like this; he was such a better person. He was a different man when I fell in love with him the first time. I know people don't change and he's just busy. He's somewhere in there; I know it, just trapped inside a body of a working businessman.

I can't help but wish though and think of a better time, a simple time. When his career was just starting out and he'd choose me over anything else. I wonder if I do marry him, will I have to share him with another women; his job? These were doubts I had even before Jason came into the picture. Honestly, I have been thinking of these things since I first said yes to his engagement. I don't think I love Jason; obviously, I basically just met the guy. However, I do believe I am in love with the idea of Jason, a guy who cares more for a girl than anything else, including his job, someone that will stay by your side, who looks at you like you're his whole world.

When I first came here and saw Jason, obviously some old feelings came back, bubbling in my stomach. Jason represents...young love. When you just fall madly in love, so in love you are practically obsessed with each other. That's just how it used to be, of course it was, and that's what a first love feels like. I just wish my relationship with Steven still felt that way.

"Hmm, what are you thinking about, gorgeous," His voice was soft and raspy, as he faced me in the bed.

I couldn't share my doubts with him, I don't even know how I'd begin to explain to him how I've been feeling. I am scared how he'll react and what other secrets or lies might surface. His hatred towards Jason might grow even stronger, and he might blame all these doubts I have towards him on Jason and the last thing I need is another fight like the one that happened the other night.

"Breakfast," I whispered, sounding as convincing as I could.

A grin spread across his face, "Breakfast in bed or do you want to go out?

Breakfast was his favorite meal of the day, at least when he didn't have to go into work so early. We used to wake up at seven and cook all sorts of breakfast meals, eggs, pancakes, his famous waffles, toast, and bacon. I smiled just at the memory.

I paused pretending to think for a moment, "I don't know Chef Steven; I'm thinking your special waffles."

Another goofy grin, ear to ear, appeared on his face. He quickly pulled himself out of bed and placed his fingers to his head and salutes me.

"As you wish," he quoted, before he left me alone in the large bedroom.

Princess Bride. That's the movie he quoted, he'd quote it a lot when we first started our relationship. It was our first date, he took me to this vintage theater that plays old movies. We both had no idea what movie was playing, and it turned out to be The Princess Bride. I remember it, almost as if it was yesterday. I sighed. I do love Steven. I'm not even saying that to convince myself. I know I love him. I love him. A love that is real and mature, but that's the thing. I don't want a love that's real and mature; I want a relationship that makes you ache inside, a love full of passion and desire. I love our love, but I'm in love with a different kind of love, maybe a love that only exists in books and movies. We understand each other, but only in certain ways. We love greatly, but not certainly. Our relationship is good, but not perfect. Is that how it's supposed to be? I don't have anything that's other than fiction to compare it to.