Innocent White Guy by Erick S.

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"All right," said Orlando, laughing, "Man, you gotta show me that that 'Innocent White Guy' face again!"
"Oh," said De'Ron, "You mean this one?"
He carefully folded his hands in front of himself, cocked his head to the side and slightly furrowed his eyebrows.
"Honestly, Officer," he said, all traces of his African-American accent wiped away, "I've never even seen this 'De'Ron Davis' guy you're looking for. Think I'd remember a big, scary looking black guy like that!"
"Oh shit, son!" said Orlando, slapping his thigh and doubling over in laughter, "Damn, yo! That shit is funny as hell! But, hey yo - you gonna just wait around at your apartment just lookin' like this white dude and waitin' for the cops to show up lookin' for ya?"
"Aw, hell no, brotha!" said De'Ron, for a second dropping the 'white-guy' act, "Shit, I'ma get me the hell outta that place! Fuck, look at me man! I'm a good lookin' dude now. I might be able to get me a real job, get me a real apartment and all that shit."
"Well just don't forget about yo' brotha's in the hood, D.," said Orlando.
"No way, bro," said De'Ron, earnestly, "And I mean that too. Lemme get outta here, get myself set up, find me a few more white boys I can turn into suits like this, and then I'll be back for you and the rest of the boys. We gon' live it up, homie! That's a promise!"
He extended a firm hand, which Orlando gladly took.
"Man," Orlando said, "Look at how white that hand is. And all smooth and shit. You gotta get me some guy a little bit tougher-lookin', man. A'ight? Don't wanna be no pretty boy."
"Hey, hey! I still got me a few tattoos and shit!" said De'Ron, checking out his arms. He chuckled and then straightened himself out, slipping back into his white guy persona, "I'll find you a good one, ok? I promise."
"Yeah, bro," said Orlando, smiling, "Now get yo' white ass outta here 'fore the cops come 'round, wonderin' how a pretty boy like you wandered into the wrong part of town!"

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