The Beauty of Finding | PAUSE

dear stranger | 10 |

atelophobia
(n.) the fear of not being good enough
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Dear Stranger,

Have you ever felt worthless? Useless? Like no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to do anything?

I have.

Some days I feel like I'll never get anywhere, I'll never be able to do anything. I feel as if no matter how hard I try, I won't ever reach the bar that I've set for myself. Well, more like what others have set for me.

I have my good days where I suck it up and tell myself that crying over it won't help you, it's hard and you'll get over it. You'll do something that will make everyone look at you awe.

I tell myself that I'm worth it and that I can do it, but when there's so much evidence against this, how can I continue believing it?

I used to try so hard, give my best, go all out for everything. I was driven, motivated.

I was strong.

But the results were never in my favor.

I wasn't good enough for anything. I was just there.

So it gets hard to keep staying positive when every time the result is anything but good. It gets hard to tell yourself that you are worth it, that you can do it when every time you try it just ends up being a fail.

At one point, you just get tired of trying.

I mean, I did.

I got tired of giving my all and doing my best. If I was never going to make it in the first place, then why give everything I have. But my flaw with this thought?

I still wanted to make it.

I still wanted to prove to my family, my friends, myself, that I could do it. I was worth it and that I can do it. I wanted to do something and get somewhere.

I want to fulfill these expectations I have in my head, I want to make the people around me proud of me. I want to feel like I did something.

And how can I get there if my biggest fear has become failure itself?

I'll try, but I won't try my hardest so that when I don't get the result I want, I can blame it on the fact that I never even tried that much in the first place.

I'm scared, you see. I tried hard before, but I never made it, never got the result that I wanted. So what if that happens again?

What if I give the world my all, but it gives me nothing?

I don't want that. I don't want to give my best yet fail. I don't want to know that I still wasn't good enough.

I just want to prove that I have something. Something special because everyone's got something. Everyone's got a talent, a passion, a speciality.

A superpower, I call it. Something one holds that makes them different, unique and special from someone. Something that isolates them from everyone else. Something that makes them stand out.

I want to find my superpower.

But I'm scared that I don't have one and my second fear besides failure?

Being nothing.

Yours truly,
Gen
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AN: Hey guys!

It's been long, I know. :)

I'm sorry if this chapter has any grammar errors such as typos or weird sentences. I promise to have it edited by the end of the week so just bare with this until then. :)

What do you guys think?

Personally, I relate to this part. The whole "finding a talent" part, except I feel like I found it, just don't know if it's something I'd call a talent. Have you guys ever felt that? Comment if you have. :)

If you like this book so far, in order to show your appreciation, please:
• vote [whenever I see an update satin someone votes, I tend to have this big weird smile on my face and it just makes me feel proud. so...you guys should vote. 🙈]
• comment [i absolutely LOVE reading your thoughts and opinions and I love replying to them too. ❤️️]

And if you want to be extra amazing, then:

• follow [it makes me ecstatic whenever I see a new follower and you guys get to know more stuff like when I update, why I won't, what I'm eating, Alex Turner 😂]

Thank you so much my loves and have an amazing week.

All the love,
xtruebeautyx ☁️