7:00 am
I woke feeling like today was going to be an important day. It took me a few moments to recall why before yesterdays memories came flooding back to me. I decided the best way to fix the situation would be to talk to them and get it over with.
But what if I didn't want to leave all of them? I like Finn!! Zandra I didn't care about, and Melanie and Elsa I couldn't stay with if I wanted to leave the group, for after all they were the group, but Finn had genuinely been so nice to me for the short time I'd known her. I couldn't just leave her... But would I have to, if I left the rest?! And Alex, would he still care for me the way I cared for him if I wasn't 'popular' anymore? Now that I had seen the true nature of his companions, would I still care for him? And about talking on the face... I wasn't sure I had the guts to - I mean after all, no-one had actually been mean to me (with the exception of Zandra), so how could I explain to them without hurting them that I couldn't be friends with them - because we were different - but being with me was making me the same as them, something I didn't want to be, if it meant changing my personality!! But that didn't mean they were evil or anything, maybe I just couldn't handle being 'cool'. Maybe I wasn't cut out for it, not because I couldn't be cool, but because I wasn't nice when I felt 'popular'. Not to mention, part of me felt sorry for them, that they were forever ditzy about guy and couldn't think beyond a love life with them (was I becoming like that, too?). Maybe the problem was... I'm too smart. I mean, there's gotta be a reason why smart girls never make it into the gang. But it's a nice gang, great friends - why am I leaving them really. Because I can't handle myself? But I'm so mentally strong, stronger than them... Or so I think - maybe I'm just too weak and inexperienced to survive girl world.
TALK ABOUT CONFUSING!!
7:30 am
Maybe the best way to leave, since it's obviously not good for me to be with them, would be to pretend I hate them. But... for what?! They never did anything mean to me!
7:50 am (arrive at school)
RESOLUTION: I can't break our friendship! They're too nice... I'll just have to talk to them about it, and they will probably decide they don't want to be my friend anymore. Then, well, it's their choice not mine - I'll talk to them in lunch.
1 pm (lunch)
ME: Guys, I want to confess something.
ELSA: What, you can tell us anything!!
ME: I'm not sure you want to hear this...
MELANIE (looking worried): If you can't confide in us then what are we your friends for?!
(which made me feel even worse)
ME: I don't have a phone. I lied so I could become popular and friends with you guys. You see, in my last school I was a nerd and a dork and as anti-social as can be. And I feel like... I've changed since I came here, like you guys have changed me. I feel mean, and while you guys aren't anywhere near mean, I think hanging out with you makes me feel like I can be rude and get away with it. It's like, being with you guys has messed me up, put a curtain over my conscience, and make me say stuff I never would have been horrible enough to say before... You probably hate me, and I can't be around you guys, so I guess it's bye for now -
and I ran off as fast as I could, tears flooding down my eyes...
1:20 pm
I was crying in the bathroom when Shanaya found me, 20 minutes into lunch.
SHANAYA: What happened?
ME: I...I...feel horrible...I ruined my friendship... with Elsa, Melanie and Finn...because -
I couldn't finish speaking, I broke down in sobs.
Shanaya pulled me into a warm embrace and comforted me.
When I managed to finally stopped crying, I told her everything, feeling bad when popular, thinking I was mean yesterday when I talked to her, how I had come from being a nerd at my old school to diva at this one, how I broke my friendship with them because I felt they were being a bad influence on my character, how I felt she was a great friend, the sort anyone should be proud to have...
Shanaya then told me something I will literally never overlook, something that made me realize I agreed with what she was saying, I'd just been too blind to see it. She told me, "You know what, just the fact that you told me that you feel bad proves your conscience is still there, just maybe not reacting as fast as it usually would given the excitement of new school and new friends, so you can forget all about that. It doesn't matter that you were a nerd before and you're popular now - your friends are just different here, and they happen to be the cool kids, that doesn't mean you've changed. And speaking of your friends, I think they're great!! I mean, they might be a little silly over some things like boys or makeup to name a few, but they're also fiercely loyal to anyone who becomes close to them... Why leave them? As for me being a great friend, well I would be honoured!! And I'm not being over-modest, it's just that you really are an amazing person and I would love to get to know you! And that doesn't mean you have to choose between me and them, just be friends with both. Lastly, I'm sure they aren't really having a bad influence on you, it's more like you're getting excited about the status that comes with being their friends, which is something you've never had, and so you're a little bit up in your head. These guys aren't like the typical mean girls of some school, they're nice people who just so happen to be popular. I think in your quest to be 'good' you've been somewhat unfair and mean, unlike the nice person you naturally are - you don't have to worry about that!! I think you should go apologize..."
This made me see things from a whole new perspective! Giving Shanaya a quick hug, I went to Elsa, Melanie, Finn and Zandra. They were sitting at the lunch table, looking sad. As I approached, they gave me a hurt look, as though I'd treated their feelings unfairly. I nervously went up to them and asked them, ""would you guys have me back as your friend? I made a stupid mistake and I'm begging your forgiveness. Please take me back, I was wrong and you guys are the best people anyone could have as friends. I was wrong about everything I said - I'm sorry. Please be my friends!!!"
On hearing this, they exchanged looks and Melanie slowly responded, "Well, I suppose... I'm willing to give you a second chance - though you should know, what you said before broke my heart, but what you said now miraculously repaired it." After that, Finn and Elsa chorused, "Okay. One more chance as friends." And that left everyone staring at Zandra, waiting for her to accept my apology and she did, though it seemed grudgingly and out of sheer peer pressure. I'd take that - didn't care about her anyways. And that left my problems solved. Just one more thing I had to say, "Though I know I'm nowhere near in the position to make requests right now, can I tell you guys that the person who brought me to my senses was Shanaya, and I want to be her friend. You guys don't have to, because there's probably a reason you aren't friends with her, but would it be fine with you guys if I could just hang out with you as well as her - I think she would be great friend to me..." I trailed of uncertainly.
To this, all four of them chorused, "Sure!!" Zandra if only because she would get to spend less time with me...
PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!!
