My Secrets In The Apocalypse

Chapter 20

"Is there really no other option?" Riley sighed heavily.
"The decisions been made!" Shane said staring her down.
"Look, I'm not saying we roll out a welcome wagon here! I'm not a fucking idiot," she said. "I know he can't stay here."
"Then why are you still goin on about it?!" Shane asked loudly. "If this is some redemption shit, trying to clear your conscience or whatever, this ain't the time or place for it!"
"What is your problem?!" Riley asked loudly. "What happened to you Shane?! Ever since we got here, you've been a completely different person!" she said walking to the center of the room where he was and staring him down.
"I grew up! Realized that things ain't what they used to be!" he said glaring at her. "Its bout time y'all all do the same."
"So acting irrationally, taking matters into our own hands, and threatening people, that's how we should be?" she asked. "Because that sounds a lot to me, how you'd get yourself killed."
"Is that a threat?" he growled out.
"If it needs to be," she said firmly.
"Listen here, bitch!" Shane said grabbing her shoulder roughly. She acted on reflex, taking hold of Shane's arm and twisting it at an unnatural angle behind his back. She brought her foot down on the back of his knee, making it buckle, and put all her weight into forcing him down to his knees. She put her foot on his leg behind his knee and kept weight on it so he couldn't get up. Everyone was instantly on their feet, Riley noticed they weren't stopping her but they were ready to take action if needed.
"You listen to ME, bitch!" Riley said loudly, tightening her hold on Shane as he struggled against her. "You are seriously starting to damage my calm!"
"Get the hell offa me!" he said angrily.
"Shut the hell up!" she said twisting his arm painfully. "You better remember who you're dealing with Shane," she growled. "I've made men twice your size, cry for their mommies like children!"
"You crazy bitch!" he said shakily, breathing heavily through the pain.
"I'm not the one acting crazy Shane," she said. "You better believe me when I say this, if you ever threaten me again, threaten ANYONE in this group again," she lowered her head and whispered so only he could hear her. "I'll have you on your knees, begging me for mercy. I'll fucking kill you, Shane, and I wont think twice about it. Don't push me," she hissed before releasing her hold on him.
"Stupid bitch!" he huffed as he stood up.
Riley ignored his comment as she turned away from him and walked out of the house. She stepped off of the porch angrily and headed to her tent. She laid on her sleeping bag and took a few deep breaths. There it was again, that old ugly side of herself. It always managed to push its way back to the surface, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it, it was always there.
Maybe it had to be that way. In this new world, with people like Shane, maybe it was good that she had that side of herself to fall back on. Maybe she should quit pushing it away and embrace it. She had been raised to be a killer, and she was damn good at it too. These people didn't even know half of what she was capable of, but they knew she had the balls to shoot Jim.

Riley sat up quickly with a new determination. She was Riley fucking Johnson! The girl who survived the Russian mob for God sakes! She was a total badass! She shouldn't be pushing that away! That was making her weak! She should embrace the ruthless survivor she was, while also taking care of her new family!

Riley stood up and stepped out of her tent, noticing how dark it was outside. As she got closer to the camp she noticed Rick walking up with Carl in tow.
"Get to bed," Lori told Carl, watching as he went inside the tent.
"Were keeping Randall in custody for now," Rick said to everyone before turning to talk to Lori quietly.
Suddenly a shout echoed across the farm and everyone was on their feet.
"T-dog! Get a gun!" Rick yelled as everyone started running out into the fields.
Riley noticed Daryl was ahead of them, running towards a shadow in the distance. He tackled the shadow and struggled with it for a second before he was back on his feet waving them over.
"Over here! Get help!" His voice reached them as they came upon the gory scene.
Andrea ran over to Dale, who's eyes were wide with fear, and stroked his face. His stomach had been ripped open and there was blood everywhere. Riley saw a walker laying on the ground next to Dale, that had been stabbed in the head.
"Get Herschel!" Rick yelled in panic.
"We need to do something!" Andrea cried.
"Someone get Herschel NOW!" Rick yelled again, just as Herschel was running over with Glenn.
"We have to move him!" Rick said desperately.
"He wont make the trip," Herschel said sadly.
"You have to do an operation! We'll have to do it here!" Rick pleaded.
Herschel put his hand on Rick's shoulder, shaking his head in defeat. Everyone went quiet, only the sounds Dale's pained grunts and the groups soft crying could be heard.
"He's suffering!" Andrea cried out desperately. "Somebody do something!"

Rick hesitantly pulled his gun out and aimed it at Dale's head. He paused, his hands trembling and his eyes tearing up. Daryl stepped forward, taking the gun from Rick and nodding at him reassuringly. He kneeled down next to Dale and aimed the gun at Dale's head.
"Sorry brother," Daryl said quietly before pulling the trigger.
Everyone was still and silent for a while, then slowly, they started moving again. Lori took Carl back up to camp, a few other people following them. Daryl had to get back to Randall and finish whatever he was doing with him.
"We need to bury him," Riley said. "We can't just leave him here like this."
"We'll put him with the others," Rick said quietly.
"Lets go get the shovels," T-dog said nudging Riley with his elbow lightly.
"Ok," she said, following him as he headed towards the barn.
They quickly retrieved some shovels and went over to the trees where the other graves were. They silently got to work, digging the grave for Dale. A while later, Rick and Daryl were shuffling over, carrying Dale's body carefully. They laid him down on the ground gingerly as Riley and T-dog continued digging. Daryl walked over, gently took the shovel from Riley's hands and took over digging. Rick did the same, taking over digging for T-dog.
Riley and T-dog moved aside, grateful for the break. She sat down a few feet away, watching as Daryl and Rick finished digging the grave. They gently moved Dale's body into the hole and got to work burying him.
"We'll have a service for him tomorrow," Rick said quietly once the job was finished.

They all quietly parted ways, T-dog and Rick heading back to camp and Daryl and Riley going back to Daryl's camp.
When they got to the camp, they didn't bother with food or a fire, they just went straight to the tent. Riley tossed her hatchet down and sat down on the sleeping bag. She sighed heavily and ran her hands through her hair roughly.
"You ok?" Daryl asked. Riley turned to look at Daryl who was sitting on the other side of the sleeping bag, facing away from her.
"Are you?" she asked quietly.
He turned to look at her, he held the usual stoic expression on his face, but Riley could see the conflicting emotions in his eyes.
"It's hard," she said. "Killing people. Especially the ones who are close to you. Even if you didn't like them much, its still hard."

Daryl sat there quietly, watching her intently. His blue eyes burned holes through her as she spoke.
"It'll be tough for a while," she said. "Then, it won't be anymore. Before you even realize it, it'll be like second nature to you. As normal as getting dressed every day."
"Dinky," he sighed roughly.
"You know, Daryl, I've realized something," she said.
"What?" he asked.
"All this time, I've been so worried about trying to be more like y'all. When in reality, you guys are the ones who are becoming more like me," she said darkly. "Rick's already killed two people, you've tortured Randall and just had to shoot Dale. Jesus Christ, it's like reliving all my past shit all over again, except through you guys." She ran her hands through her hair roughly again.
"Stop," Daryl said firmly, reaching over and squeezing her cheeks with his fingers, making her mouth squish together like fish lips. He chuckled lightly as she smacked his hand away.
Riley looked up at him expectantly. He held her gaze with his own steady one. His blue eyes showing determination and resolve.
"Things are different now, that's one thing Shane's got right," he said. "But were not gonna lose control. We're gonna do what we have to do to survive," he said.
Riley smiled and nodded at him, then turned back around and took off her boots. She set them aside and stretched out on the sleeping bag watching as Daryl pulled his boots off. Riley scooted over so he could lay down then curled up against his side, pulling the blankets over them. They both lay there quietly for a while, unable to fall asleep.

"You ever talk to Rick?" Daryl asked, breaking the silence.
"About what?" she asked.
"Bout your back up plan. Just in case we lose this place," he said.
"Oh, no, not yet", she sighed. "I tried a few times, but he's so busy trying to hold the reigns on Shane and Herschel, he really hasn't had the time."
"What'd you tell him earlier?" he asked.
"Who?" she asked.
"Shane. Whatever ya said to him really shut him up good. He ain't said shit to anyone since earlier," he said.
"Oh, that," she giggled "Just a little persuasion."
"Is that right," he said in amusement.
"He needed to be reminded about who he's dealing with here. I'm not like the others, I won't just sit back and deal with his bullshit the way they do," she said. "They're afraid of him, of who he's become, but I've dealt with people like him my whole life. He's like a child, throwing tantrums when he doesn't get his way."
Daryl yawned and rolled over so he was facing her. "Get some sleep, Dinky," he said wrapping an arm around her and pulling her against him.
"Спокойной ночи, Белка," she said snuggling into his side.
"Stop," he huffed and Riley giggled.