Predator

Chapter Thirteen

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"Wait!" I shriek, my weak voice cracking as I stumble to get up from the floor. "Will, wait!"

Cold beads of water splay in every direction from my wet hair, and my fingers fumble to tie the bathrobe that threatens to fall off as I clumsily hurry down the stairs. The sentence plays over and over in my head. I got drunk because I knew I wanted you, I got drunk because I knew I wanted you. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!

I turn the corner and see his shoulder, see him about to slip out wof the door. I throw my hand on his arm, "Stop!" I shout, and he turns around to face me.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" I demand, looking fiercely up into his face. "You can't just say something like that and walk out! What do you mean, you knew you wanted me? You did mean to do it, didn't you!"

"No!" he counters. "Rachel, that's not what I meant at all! I shouldn't have said anything, just...god, just forget it!"

I scoff at him. "Forget? No, you are going to stand right here and tell me why the hell you knew you wanted me!" I yell, angrily hitting his shoulder with my fist.

"I just- I just did, ok?" he says exasperatedly. "Whatever the hell you were trying to pull that week, huh, believe me, it worked! Do you have any idea how sick that is, Rachel? Thinking about a kid like that? Of course I drank! I did everything I could to forget how I felt!"

What?! How he felt?! All my little attempts to gain his attention, cleaning his house, cooking for him, the gifts- that actually worked?! And then he decided to rape me?!

"But- I- I thought-" I stammer, frantically trying to process this new information. What the-

"What?" he interrupts. "That drowning myself in whiskey is normal for me? That I actually meant to do that to you?"

I stand here completely expressionless. "Yes...?"

He looks at me with those eyes again, the ones that plead at me from across rooms and beg me to keep our secret. Only this time, I don't know what they want. He opens his mouth to say something, and then stops. I don't think he knows either.

"Wait," I blurt, sensing he's about to leave. He looks at me with a pained look. "What...what do you mean, how you felt?"

"You know what I meant."

I can feel a lump growing in my throat. "Do you. Do you still-"

"No," he finishes. "Well, maybe. I don't know! Rachel, I have to leave now."

I grab his arm again. "No, stop," I say. "Will, how do you expect me to respond to that? You've completely ruined my life! Are you crazy?! You honestly think I'm going to forgive and forget everything to be with you?!"

"No!" he protests. "Hell no! Rachel, I didn't mean that I want us to be together, all I said was that I- you know what I said."

His hands run through his hair, he blinks rapidly and shakes his head, looks anywhere except my face. "This. This is a bad idea, being around you like this," he mumbles. He hastily gestures to the door. "I'm going to, uh."

There's a gust of cold air in my face; I hear the sound of the door shutting.

And just like that, he's gone again.

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Drip. Drip. Drip.

The sink isn't turned off all of the way and it's the only sound in the obstetrician's office. I sit in the reclining chair, feeling slightly vulnerable in this thin gown, and I pinch at it distastefully. My parents are seated against the wall, silent. They're probably thinking about what a failure I am. I'm thinking the same thing.