Beloved.

Chapter 23: Love.

my eye widen as he kisses me. He loves me? Are you serious? I never thought about it before, like me loving Harry and all. But as i think about it now... Do i love Harry? I mean, looking back at everything he has done and said, and everything i have done and said, it seems thar i could have been crushing on him. I know this shouldn't be weird, but it is. i can't believe that someone loves me.

Loves me?

Wait- is he being honest? Like, so many people say right to my face that they hate me. People have told me to die. What makes it different with Harry and i? Like, why is he the only one who even likes me? Why does he take care of me, and do all of this... i can't get caught up in this. He doesn't really like me. Just watch, as soon as he gets what he wants (whatever that is) he's going to leave me. Its going to be like my dad with my mom.

But what hurts most?

"i love you too, Harry." I say and hug him.

"I won't ever leave you. You are mine, you got that?" He asks whispering in my ear.

"You promise?" I ask.

"I promise."

***

yeah. I love Harry.

But i kind of wish i didn't. all relationships end badly. i experienced that with my own eyes just watching my mom. I remember when my dad walked out the door and i watched him leave. I ran to my moms room and saw her crying on her bed. And i have never seen my mom cry before. She cried for such a long time.

And its hard for the daughter to be comforting the mom. I didn't know what to do? But i did learn love never lasts.

How could i help my mom when the one she loves broke her heart?

How could i help my mom when she was built up just to be knocked down?

And how could i help my mom now that shes not strong enough to be on her own?

Exactly. You can't.

And thats when my depression started.

At age 14.

When i was younger i might have been sad, but i never even thought about it. I just guess in my head i thought of the mean things they called me was just a joke. My childhood wasn't even the best either. And who could blame them for even being mean to me? They had the right to. Being the new girl is always the worst.

No one understands how hard it is moving all your life.

No one really thinks about it that much.

Some people think its fun. Some people thinks its not that big of deal.

But it is a big deal. And moving is the worst. I should know.

***

it feels weird that its just me and my mom at my house, even though i should be used to it.

I kind of miss Harry... Who am i kidding i miss him to death.

and people say new year, new resolutions, right? Well i don't have a new years resolution this year. Just because its a new year doesn't mean you have a brand new life, everything is still the same. Its like saying you deleted a conversation on your phone, doesn't mean you never had the conversation with that person!

I go up to my bedroom and lock the door.

God, just never mind. I cant handle anything right now, i don't know why.

Its been a day and i already miss Harry. Let me just text him.

I start pacing around in my bedroom debating if i should message him.

I really want to talk to Harry, he's the only one that doesn't make me go insane.

But- what if he doesn't want to talk to me. What if i come by as annoying to him? Which i probably do with everyone.

I probably shouldn't bug him.

But... He did say if i need him to just text him or call...

You know what? I'm just going to text him. I over think way too much.

As i am about to grab my phone, my stomach growls.

Ugh... I need some food.

"Katlyn... Don't." My mind tells me, "don't eat, you don't need it. You're fine. You don't need the extra fat, you need to get skinner if anything."

I sit on my bed and sigh. My minds right, i don't need it. I never need it.

Then Harry pops into my head.

And he's telling me to eat.

Its like the devil and angel and pulling me back and forth.

I just need to distract myself from food. Okay just think about something else.

I grab my diary.

I haven't held it for a while. But right now, i need to see what people have done to it.