Beloved.

Chapter 33: Thinking Out Loud.

And here i am, April 14th, one year later, sitting on the porch stairs, staring at that Birdhouse. I am holding Harrys journal in my hands. I remember when i found it in my mailbox, a week after he left.

I still feel Harry right next to me, his hand on my knee. I still think about him all the time. Today i skipped school, because today is important.

I still have memories of the day, as if it happened just a moment ago.

Here i stand alone with Harry. But this time, he isn't breathing, or smiling or anything.

I look down at Harry and i's hands.

"And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just the touch of a hand." i continue to cry, while singing 'Thinking Out Loud' while looking at Harry. I move the blanket away from his face. He cannot be gone. I'm still holding on... He has to hold on to me.

"Well, me, I fall in love with you every single day, and I just wanna tell you I am."

***

An hour later i'm still sitting in the room Harry was in. They took him away with his body covered in the dumb old hospital bed. I grab my phone, and the first thing i see on the screen is

' Harry: Goodbye, Katlyn. 7 hours ago '

I continue to cry, unlocking my phone, calling Harry's cellphone. It continues to ring, and by the 5th ring his voice comes up.

"Hiii, its Harry. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, i will probably call you back later. Don't worry, i will."

I leave a message. "Harry, i miss you," i sob into the phone. "I really miss you, please come back, i can't live without you, i need you so bad Harry, please come back, i need you here with me please," i choke with every word i say. "Harry, i love you. I love you so much Harry!"

I click the end call button.

I wake up from the memory by Louis coming and sitting right next to me, putting his hand on my knee. Right where Harry was at, although, I don't feel Harry sitting there anymore.

When i'm alone, Harry is where ever i'm at. He'll hold my hand if i'm walking to and from school, at the store, or even just taking a walk.

and if I'm crying, i can even feel Harry hugging me.

I know i'll never get over it, but i'll get to a point where it just doesn't hurt as much.

After the whole incident, people at school stopped talking to me, and its like Zayn left my life. Actually, people started coming up to me apologizing, some even hugged me. I didn't say anything, because i know they were only doing it because i lost the only person that i could call 'mine'. It was a little too late to apologize.

My mom then walks out of the house, and sits on the porch behind Louis and i on the stairs. Another memory comes to mind.

"You have fun today?"

"Yeah, i did."

She smiles. "Thats good," she adds. "You two will last."

I sigh. My mother puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Do you love me?" Harry asks shouting across the field.

"Yeah," I take a second and pause. "Yeah, i do."

My mom clicks play, and hands me her video camera.

"I take this seriously, too, Jones!" Harry mimics me.

This is when Harry and i had our paint fight. I never saw this video until now. We had handprints all over those shirts.

I'm wearing mine today.

I look at him, who runs and gets the green paint, squirting the whole bottle of paint towards me.

"That is so not fair!" I say, and run to the table, Harry running behind me. But as i get to the patio, my mom opens the door. My eyes widen. Harry stands behind me, i look at him same expression on his face.

"Heh," i say, Looking back at my mother. Harry just smiles and kisses my cheek from behind.

"Hi!" He says cheerfully waving at the camera. A smile spreads across my face.

A tear drops from my eyes and i start to cry. My mom rubs my back, Louis hugs me.

I look up, and i see Harry stand by the birdhouse we made together. Another memory comes to mind.

"Stop Katlyn. Look at me."

I stop. He firmly grabs my arms, then speaks.

"I will never stop. Even when you become better. I will be right there for you. I will never stop being there for you."

"Well you weren't before." I whisper and look down.

Harry wipes the tear off my face. He tilts my head upwards to look at his face.

"To be honest i was beating myself up because i did not call or come to you. I was nervous to see you. After all the drama that happened, the hospital, the pills, the sirens. I was scared you weren't any better, i was scared to stay at the doctors, i was afraid it was too late, that something happened. I didn't want to call your number and not hear you pick up. This time, i swear i wont leave."

"But-" i get cut off.

"Nothing can come between You & Ι."

Nothing can come between You & I.

The truth is, if someone really matters to you, it will never be 'all better'. It will never 'okay'. You will never 'move on'.

"But maybe, it isn't about the happy ending,

Maybe, its about the story."

***

As a kid you thought the sun followed you everywhere when you were in the back seat of the car. Well thats what Harry kind of does. He's still with me. My mom still asks me if she should take me to therapy, but i don't need it. She might think i need it, but i just think its something you go through when you loose someone you love. Its what happens, and you don't really understand it until it happens to you, you just know they are still there, Harry is still there, he's with me wherever i go. And i can still feel him hold my hand, touch my knee, lay right next to me when i fall asleep. He's not gone, he's right here.

He's loved.

He's Beloved.