Your Lover's Hair

10. march twenty seventh

"Tell me about your past relationships," Jimin requested.
I was on the farthest right side of our couch with my feet on the ottoman, and Jimin was laying across the length of the rest, with his head in my lap as I played video games over his face.

"I've had two girlfriends, and I've gone on dates with a few guys and girls over the past year and a half," I said as Jimin looked up at me tentatively, "My two girlfriends lasted for about six months each in high school. They were lackluster, and we ended on good terms."

"That's so mundane," Jimin chuckled, "You really can't elaborate?"

"I lost my virginity to the first one, a German exchange girl named Claire, who stayed for the school year. We weren't allowed to date exchange students, but she was pretty, so I did."

"Scandalous," Jimin cooed.

"Yeah, yeah," I groaned.

"I miss having a boyfriend," Jimin admitted, "I think I want one again."

"I'm sure there's someone out there for you," I said as detached as possible.

"Maybe I'll date you someday," Jimin said, turning away from me, "I think I'd like that."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah?" Jimin said, sitting up and leaning farther across my lap, "I think I like you."

"You're so, painfully straight forward," I chuckled awkwardly.

"Would you date me?" Jimin asked, sitting up.

"Uh," I muttered, "Of course I would. You're kind to me, you're handsome, you're good at kissing, and you're touchy. That's essentially all I look for in a partner anymore," I laughed.

"That's actually weirdly sweet," he replied, "I like you because you're smart, and you aren't annoyed by me, and you're pretty, and your hands are bigger than mine."

"That's also...sweet."

♂

March 27th

Dearest,
I haven't written you lately. I've been busy with Jimin. We are exploring the city, and hooking up in all kinds of new places, and we're trying new food and watching new films.
He never expected to be a main character in this world of mine. I'd like to keep it that way. Last week, Jimin told me that after this term's lease comes to an end, he will be moving out. I'm sure I'd miss him, too—if he weren't moving into the apartment just across the hall.
Tonight while we ate dinner and watched TV, he asked me if he could read my journal. It was a personal (and rather invasive) thing to ask, but I subsided, and gave him the one I kept just before he moved in.
I don't want him to know how I feel about him. I mean, we've discussed feelings for one another before—but there are some things he doesn't need to know about: like the swatch of his cologne that I use as a bookmark, or the countless pages that I've written "Park Taehyung" and "Kim Jimin" over and over again. I definitely don't want him to see this:
I think I am in love with Park Jimin. And, I think he is in love with me too.
It's odd, that he's moving out just as I've come to realize it; but maybe that's for the best.
Maybe that's how a couple is meant to be at the start. There's more fun in picking each other up, and going to each other's homes than there is in already being together all the time, and visiting each other's rooms.
There's not enough longing, in our current option. When he's across the hall there will be longing.

Yours, Taehyung.

P.S. I hope you don't mind that instead of a single letter, I've opted to keep a journal dedicated to you. Upon finding out who you were, and upon realizing how special Jimin was to me (and upon realizing how poorly you treated him), I couldn't help but write letters to you, Yoongi. Usually people stop at the 'one-letter-I'll-never-send', but you deserved an entire journal's worth. You'll never see these, but, if by some strange twist of fate you do—I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you couldn't keep him forever. However, I am not sorry that I love him.