Soundstage

Nine

Skype had become their favourite way of contacting each other, and they usually did so every night before one of them fell asleep. Holden could still remember the time he’d woken a little blearily from a nap to find Jack’s face still blinking at him from an open skype window, focused on some video game, but still with Holden on his screen. Once he’d noticed Holden was awake again, he’d grinned and murmured a quiet, “There you are,” before proceeding to show Holden the new level he’d unlocked.

Forget butterflies, there’d been a whole stampede of elephants in Holden’s stomach at that point.

Tonight, though, Holden had something important to bring up with Jack. He wasted no time setting up his computer as soon as he got home, second only to flicking the kettle on for some coffee. Jack answered the call while Holden was still making it, so he shouted from across the kitchen, “Be there in a sec! Don’t do anything without me.”

“As if I would,” came Jack’s scoffing reply, but Holden was learning to hear the undertone of affection lying behind his words. Jack was a prickly person when you first knew him, all hard edges and defensive walls, but Holden was slowly unpicking all that to get to the truly gentle person lying underneath.

After all, Jack had sent him a giant parcel full of goodies when he realised he’d missed Holden’s birthday. Including a giant fluffy Totoro. That took a special sort of person.

Coffee in hand, Holden made his way over to his bed and settled in front of the laptop screen, grinning immediately as soon as he saw Jack’s face hovering in darkness. “Hiding in your room again?”

“If I go downstairs then you’ll spend more time talking to my mum than me,” Jack complained. “Seriously, she loves you more than me already, I think.”

“I can’t help being charming,” Holden shrugged, grinning wickedly when Jack threw a cushion at his webcam.

“You know what’s really funny though,” Jack added, shifting about until he was flopped back on his pillows with his laptop on his chest. Holden stared at his face and wished he could crawl through the screen. “Is my mum hated you guys when I was listening to you instead of revising, she’d always be like not that terrible band again put on some proper music, but then as soon as she meets you it’s all smiles and baking you muffins.”

Holden didn’t bother hiding his giant grin this time. Occasionally Jack would slip up and reveal just how much of a giant fanboy he was, and Holden loved it. Usually Jack got embarrassed and tried to hide it. Holden much preferred when he didn’t.

“Tell your mum she bakes the best cakes, and I want to come back soon,” Holden answered.

Jack made a face at him. “I won’t, she’ll just grab you and make you move in. Well, actually, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

Holden’s eyes dimmed a bit. “Miss you.”

“Me too,” Jack admitted, and then he was giving Holden the softest of smiles through the camera lens, the kind that made Holden’s heart ache. “When do you think you’ll be able to make it here again?”

“Well, that’s the thing, actually.” Holden swallowed, steeling himself.

Jack immediately looked alarmed. “Fuck, you can’t come back ever, can you?”

“What?” Holden blinked. He was ridiculously nervous “No, of course not! I want to come back as soon as I can, it’s just – um.”

“Um?” Jack raised one eyebrow.

Holden shifted about on his bed, twisting the sheets between his fingers. “Um. My mum wants to meet you.”

Jack recoiled, if just for a second. It tugged at Holden’s heart. Jack’s expression arranged itself carefully into something casual and he said, “Oh. Cool.”

“Cool?” Holden tilted his head, studying Jack closely. “Is that all you’ve got to say?”

“I’m sure your mum’s cool,” Jack said defensively.

Holden snickered. “She’ll be thrilled to hear that.”

“Probably the only thing she’ll be thrilled about,” Jack muttered, and there it was. Exactly what Holden had feared. Jack was retreating back into his shell, putting up all the sharp edges again. It was his self-defence mechanism, from what Holden had pieced together in the short time he’d known Jack.

“Jack,” Holden said earnestly, wishing he could reach out to take Jack’s hand. “Jack, no.”

Jack peeked up at him from under his fringe.

“I mean it,” Holden pushed. “None of this. No throwing yourself under the bus, or pretending like you’re not the best thing to happen in my life.”

That earned him a smile, even though Jack looked reluctant to let it show. He shuffled in a bit closer to his laptop screen, so Holden could see the hints of gold hidden in his eyes, and lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “You just called meeting me better than finishing your first album.”

“There’s no competition,” Holden answered immediately.

Jack chuckled. “Don’t let your bandmates hear you say that.”

“They get it,” Holden shrugged, leaning in. He wished he could hold Jack’s hand. “Everyone gets it. You’re the most important.”

There was a spot of unusual colour on Jack’s cheek. Holden allowed himself a hint of pride at putting it there.

“Anyway,” Holden pressed on, “My mum.”

“Your mum,” Jack agreed.

“She wants you to come up to hers,” Holden explained, “Well, to mine. Ours. My family home.”

“Way up north, then,” Jack joked, putting on a terrible accent that made Holden want to whack him one. “Where the mountains and snow creatures live.”

“Yeah, so you’d better watch your back.”

“Lucky I’ll have you there to protect me, then.” Jack peeked up through his fringe again – something he did when he was shy and nervous. Holden filed that away in his Jack-knowledge centre. He was also tapping out a rhythm against his laptop with the fingers of his left hand – another nervous habit that Jack had exhibited more than once. Mostly when he was off his guard and seemed to forget that Holden was looking at him. Holden loved those moments more than any other.

“When would this be?” Jack asked over the tapping of his fingers.

“She said this weekend, if you can make it.” Holden gave him a long, considering look through the grainy laptop screen. “If your parents are happy. You can come meet me in London and we can get the train up together.”

“I’ll ask them at breakfast.” Jack shifted forwards a bit, rolling and reaching down to the side of his laptop – probably for his games controller. “Want to see which level I’m on now?”

“Always,” Holden grinned, and settled down with his coffee to watch his soulmate play games – the best way to end a stressful rehearsal that Holden had ever found.