being 'the' tyler joseph's sister is hard; him not being home all the time, even if he is, he always hangs out with josh and his other cool friends. i want to be like that, y'know, going around the world, meet cool people, make peeps happy and stuffs. Besides that, tyler somehow decide to keep me a secret, while the clique knows jay, zack, and maddie. i dont know, dude, i just feel left out. But its fine though, i know he did it for some reason. But hey at least i have cool friends online, and you know, i have a fanpage about my own brother and his bestfriend, none of the joseph's know about this and never will.
Tyler, is, ugh, i dont know, he's just amazing and so talented. Everybody seems so pleased to what he represents. And man, all these clique art, i am emotionally and physically impressed. No other fandom can do it like this. I wanna be a part of them, i want to be someone they can look up to. i want to feel like i'm important. But that's fine.
Now i'm in tyler's old basement, all of his stuffs still here except his piano, huh, i never get to touch that thing, he always forbid me to come down here. but i will anyway to calm him down when he has his breakdown, no one else does that except me. Its not that my family doesn't care, they're just busy and i understand.
so i stayed, because i just love him so much.
There was one time while i heard he was recording something, i think the title is 'save'. He thought that no one is home and i was somewhere else. but no, i just couldn't leave him alone, i dont know why. it sounds so safe at first, and im just smiling there, at the stairs.
and. when he starts to screams, i was shook. i cried. I want to knock. I want to stop him. but i just stand there like an idiot, crying, cause he thought that there's no one by his side. Fuck you tyler.
i'm here.
why cant you see that.
you can take my time whenever you want.
i feel hopeless at that time. i'm mad. but i cant be. i have to stay positive.
and when he comes out, he's surprised by my present, crying my eyeballs out. and he too, that breaks me. so bad. so i ran to him and hug him. He didnt hug back. "i told you to stay away. what are you doing here?"
that. that one breaks me the most. i thought what i was doing is right. "i-i just.." i release the hug and step backwards, noticed that his face is so annoyed. I changed my vision since then. "i'm sorry"
i kept crying and ran to my room. i locked my door and slump my body and soul into my bed. what do i do wrong? where? i thought he wanted attention. i thought he wanted someone to listen to him.
so i stopped. i stopped caring.
i stopped interacting with anybody else. i stopped going out. i stopped looking out for him.
i kept my room locked all the time. Sometimes mom is mad at me. and i hated my self.
But, all that doesn't have nothing to do with now.
i picked up his old uke and played with it for a while. I wipe all the dust on it. i always took care of this room.
"hey, Kels" Jenna's voice rings through the room. i turn around and gave her a smile. "you're coming to the ohio show?"
"oh, yeah, i'm meeting a few friends there. cant wait." i said , my smile as big. she smiles too and fiddles with her thumb, not saying anything for a minute.
"uh, do you need a ride?"she asks, going up the stairs, her heels clicked on the woods. i cant go a ride with her, katie's gonna freak out.
"oh, no thank you" i said politely, putting the uke carefully to its place. "gotta keep my head low, remember?" i laugh nervously. she smiles and mumble a small ok before going up.
i sat on his couch and grab my bag. that sling bag that's not that small and not that big. I pulled out my sketch book, pencil case and my phone. i start sketching a reference photo from brad, he gives me a few extra photos from the shows and i couldn't thank him enough. Everybody around tyler is just talented.
ding
katie : ready for tomorrow?
i smiled and ignores it for a while. that's my bad habit and i know that, i always ignores people texts until i actually forgot and never talked to them again. but i promised to text her back later.
after an hour of sketching the base, i'll decide to paint it later and get some fresh air for a moment. I leave my sketchbook and only bring my phone with me.
kelsey : how could i not be.
i text her back and start walking. The weather is kinda not friendly. i hope it goes well tomorrow. By the time the sunset's midly down, i arrived at my special spot. The lake.
Theres just really something beautiful about this place. The drenched forest, the soothing sounds of water, the sound of frogs and other nature creatures communicating with each other. Everyday its the same and i could never get bored of it. I took a picture of the sunset so i could paint it later, even though its not that clear because of the clouds.
ding
katie : how's your book? is it done yet? i wanna see it
kelsey : nah, i still need to put some in there, i haven't put the 'friend, please' one.
katie : well get it done! and oh yes please, that one has to be in the book, i'll cut u if you dont.
kelsey : okay dude okay.
so with that i took a little a flower from the grass and thank the lake for another beautiful view, then i go home.
Home, i didn't see mom and the others, the phone in the kitchen flashes a red light, i press a button and zack's voice comes out. "hey lil buddy, we're going out tonight for dinner. and uh, your brother decide to come here early. but dont worry, josh is there. you'll be fine, okay?..... and we'll bring you some food, bye!"
lil buddy. i'm 22.
oh wait. josh is here.
i ran to the basement and found a small yellow head. "josh?" he jumped a little and turns around. he smiles and waves to me.
"hey kels!" i noticed that he's reading something. no, its a sketchbook.
MY sketchbook.
shit.
