Ten Funny Stories Complete Collection

One Fine Morning on Mulberry Lane

Nate Crown stood on his front step, admiring the fine morning. The last several days had been rainy and cool. The rain had stopped, but water still stood in small pools of his asphalt driveway. He caught the faint fragrance of his wife's rose garden in the misty morning air. His newspaper lay at the end of the driveway, the blue plastic wrapper gleaming in the early morning sun.

Mr. Crown was clad in his robe. He looked down at his feet. His wife had laundered his slippers. The were still dripping wet on the line hanging above the bathtub so he had on his wife's hot pink fuzzy slippers. It was early, so he felt that no one would notice them.

He walked to the end of the driveway and stooped to pick up the paper. As he stood up, he looked into the side yard to admire the roses that were in full bloom. A large camel, munching on a prize rose, lifted its head up and gazed at him, its eyes dreamy with contentment.

Mr. Crown stopped dead in his tracks, rubbed his eyes, and looked again. It really was a camel eating his wife's roses. This came as a bit of a surprise to Mr. Crown, as camels are not indigenous to the central Indiana town which Mr. Crown called his home. Indeed, he couldn't imagine where the camel might have come from, but there it was, calm as a dairy cow, grazing on hay in a pasture.

Camels were not dangerous as far as Mr. Crown knew. So he started walking towards the camel waving the newspaper at it.

"Shoo, get away from here," Mr. Crown shouted as he walked towards the grazing animal. The camel glanced at Mr. Crown the way a cow might glance at an annoying child. It resumed its breakfast. Mr. Crown walked up behind the animal and smacked it on the rear end.

"Git. Go away. Shoo." The smack sounded sharp in the quiet morning.

The camel raised his head and glanced again at Mr. Crown. It flicked its tail and began walking towards the street. The flicked tail somehow tangled up with the sash on Mr. Crown's robe. He found himself pulled towards the street in intimate closeness with the camel's hindquarters. Mr. Crown was not happy.

The camel plodded on down the street, pulling Mr. Crown behind him. The Beindorf's little white poodle noticed him and began barking. It ran into the street where he continued barking and snapping at the unfortunate Mr. Crown's ankles. The barking attracted the attention of the Thurston's black Labrador. The dog barked, then joined, the procession. Other dogs, not wanting to miss out of the fun, joined as the camel proceeded along the street.

Billy Thomson was out delivering papers. He was returning home when he noticed the parade. He turned and rode behind the dogs and shouted encouragement to Mr. Crown and the dogs. He pulled out his cell phone and called his friend Fred.

"Hey Fred, you have to see this. Come over to Mulberry Lane quick. You won't believe it. Call the other guys and get them out here fast."

Few things travel faster than news about someone's misfortune. Mr. Crown glanced back to see several barking dogs and a posse of bicycles. The bikes carried boys shouting in glee as he trotted behind the camel in his robe and wife's fuzzy hot pink slippers.

Officer Myron Gates was patrolling the early morning streets, bored with inactivity. He turned onto Mulberry Lane. An unusual parade of boys on bicycles and barking dogs led by a middle-aged man and a camel surprised him. He was uncertain what he should do, so he flipped on his lights and radioed for backup. His training had entailed many things. Somehow, what to do with a camel on the street had not appeared in any of the courses at the PoliceAcademy.

Officer Vern Wells pulled up behind him, and they conversed by radio about what they should do.

As they approached the town's Middle School, all the commotion agitated the camel. He trotted off the road and into the schoolyard. As they crossed a muddy ditch that lined the road, Mr. Crown was finally successful at his attempts at getting free of the camel's tail. He slipped and fell into the muddy water at the bottom of the ditch. He turned to see the camel proceeding at a trot behind the school and out of sight. He stood up and pulled his feet from the muck, losing one of his wife's fuzzy hot pink slippers in the black gooey soup at the bottom of the ditch.

He turned to see a multitude of people watching him as he stood up.

He pondered the sequence of events as he plodded home, cheered on by the neighborhood kids. He was dripping wet in his robe, one foot bare and the other still clad in a muddy, wet, fuzzy hot pink slipper.

All he had really wanted was his paper and a hot cup of coffee.

From the book:

Ten Funny Stories Complete Collection