Ten Funny Stories Complete Collection

Perfect Afternoon

Paul R. Wonning

Tyler squealed in glee as the yellow kitten pounced on the little red ball. The kitten batted at it with its furry paw, and the ball bounced off the deck.

"Daddy, Butterscotch lost his ball again," called Tyler.

"I'll get it in a minute, Tyler," said his father, David, as he pushed the lawnmower into the storage shed. He closed the door and latched it. He paused to savor the glorious moment. Summer hung in the air. The fragrance of the fresh mown grass clung to his nostrils. It was hot. Lazy, puffy white clouds drifted across the porcelain blue sky.

He had cut the grass, weeded the flowerbeds and trimmed the hedges. Other chores awaited another day, he thought as he glanced around his yard. The six-foot privacy fence, which surrounded the yard, needed staining. Some low hanging branches on that maple tree by the Murphy's needed pruning. He remembered that his wife Marilyn had said something about the garden gate not latching right. For now, though, it was time to kick back and relax.

He walked back to the deck, retrieved the wayward ball and handed it to his son, a cycle he knew would repeat many times. All the equipment needed by a three year old, as well as some kitten toys, littered the deck. The garden hose lay stretched out, reminding him that he still needed to water the hanging pots. Marilyn wanted to have barbequed chicken for dinner, so David rolled the gas grill into position and set up his chair nearby.

He went in the house to get the chicken, washed and waiting in a colander in the refrigerator. He called out to Marilyn as he went out, "I am going to start the chicken now."

"All right, I will start fixing the potatoes and a salad in a few minutes," she replied from somewhere in the back of the house.

David put the beer and chicken on the table by the grill. He lifted the lid, lit it and arranged the chicken pieces. He lowered the lid and went over to sit in his chair. Before sitting down, he remembered that the magazine he wanted to read was still lying on the front seat of his car.

He left the deck, opened the gate that led to the driveway and walked over to the car. He opened the door and picked the magazine up from the seat. He turned and returned to the backyard, pulling on the gate to close it. The faulty latch failed to lock and the gate bounced open. David, absorbed in the magazine, failed to notice the open gate behind him.

Tabitha Murphy found herself with some unexpected free time. It was horrid at work. She was behind, so she brought her laptop home to work a couple of hours to catch up. Her husband, Ted, trundled the kids off to a movie. After the movie, he was going to drop them off at his mother's house for an overnight stay. She and Ted were going out to dinner that night on a "date"; their first time alone in what seemed a lifetime. The work she needed to do took much less time than she anticipated, so she looked out the window at the wonderful day outside.

It is hot and sunny out. She would go for a swim and do a bit of sunbathing to relax.

She put her bikini on and studied herself in the mirror. Still slim and attractive after having two children, she was proud of her figure. Not bad for an old mama, she thought, as she grabbed her sunglasses and sun tan lotion. She went out to the pool, and jumped in. She swam a few minutes, and then pulled herself up on one of the rubber rafts floating on the water. The angle of the late afternoon sun allowed the sun to flood the pool with its warm rays. She rubbed sun tan lotion on herself, and then lay back. After a few minutes, an idea came to her.

She sat up and looked around. A board privacy fence screened the pool from view from the Dillard's yard and the street. She could hear Tyler, the Dilliard's young son, playing with his new kitten on the other side. The savory smell of barbequing chicken wafted her way. Their house blocked the view from the street, and the house next door had no windows on this side. No one could see her. She would do it. She would surprise Ted with her new tan tonight, with no tan lines. She would wear that slinky, strapless dress she hadn't worn in ages. She smiled at his reaction.