Life As I Knew It (Book 3)

Depressed

Sitting on the bed, replaying Brooke’s suicide put me in tears. If only Kayden hadn’t hurt her, then she would be alive now. It was all his fault. I wished there was something else I could have done, something to prevent her from dying.

It felt like hours and hours of crying before I told myself to man up and to stop crying. I needed to just stop crying for once and be strong. Sure, I was upset that she died but I couldn’t let that affect me. I wiped away the excess tears on my face.

About ten minutes of not crying, I heard the door finally unlock. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the door. It opened slowly and just by a glimpse of the person, I knew it was Kyle. He was wearing a black shirt that was skintight and a pair of jeans. It was a different outfit from what he previously had worn. He shut the door behind him and walked over to me slowly, as if I was a wild animal.

“Kyle?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah?” He asked, staring at me as he sat down next to me.

“Can I hug you?” I asked, shyly.

He stared at me in shock for a minute and hesitated before nodded. I wrapped my arms around him hoping I wouldn’t cry. I wanted Kyle to trust me and maybe rethink about not taking me with him to wherever he was going tomorrow. I wasn’t sure what I would do if I was left alone with Kayden.

To be honest though, I really did need someone to comfort me with everything that had happened. Knowing what I have been through, being kidnapped, Landon being taken and beat, and now Brooke dying, no one could just face all that alone. I knew I wouldn’t be able to see Landon and I would never talk to Kayden and be comforted but him, so Kyle was the only other person. Normally, I would talk to Brooke, but she was gone.

I could feel Kyle’s warm body loosen up after I hugged him. He wrapped his muscular arms around me and I actually felt soothed in his arms. I hated the fact that Kyle had seemed to be the only person who has always cared about me and was still living. Sure, it was his fault for killing most of those people but that wasn’t the point. How was I supposed to feel comfort in his arms? It just didn’t make any sense.

“I’m so sorry, Kelly.” He whispered in my ear.

Once my hands started to tremble and my body felt as if it was burning, I knew I was about to break down. Then as I suspected, one single tear fell down my face, causing several more to follow. Kyle rubbed my back, trying to make me feel better but it didn’t work. I closed my eyes trying to picture Kyle being my dad and it was just the two of us hugging. I wasn’t kidnapped or tortured. No one was dead and everything was just normal. Sadly, I knew that it was just a fantasy and that it would never happen.

I pulled away from him and glanced at the ground, not making eye contact with him. Tears were still falling from my eyes but I hoped he would notice them as much with my head down. Without even thinking of what I was saying, I actually admitted something to Kyle that I hadn’t admitted to anyone. I even tried to hide it from myself.

“I thought about killing myself, several times.” I whimpered. “I just couldn’t force myself to do it. I had held a knife to my wrists and tried to push down but I couldn’t. I hated myself so much that I considered doing it. I was just too much of a coward to do it, unlike Brooke.” I added.

Kyle stared at me, wide eyed, speechless. If I was him, I wouldn’t have known what to say either. There were only two things I had left to live for in this world. Landon and Robbins. That’s all I had left in this cruel, messed up world. Landon was beaten and suffering and I wasn’t sure what Robbins was doing but probably stressing to find me. If it wasn’t for the two of them, I would probably kill myself because of what I have been though. It’s just too much. I lost Brooke now, along with almost everyone else I have loved and cared about.