Blue Eyed Grier #Interracial

Feeling down

Neveah:

Not going to lie lately I have been feeling down. Crazy huh? The girl who is always smiling and laughing is actually unhappy. Initially I thought that this feeling would go away in a day or two. But that turned into week, which turned into a month and look where we're at now. I'm still sad. Don't get me wrong though, around all my friends I'm happy, I'm excited, but once I'm by myself, BOOM. I'm down all over again. There have been moments where it has been easy to hide my emotions at school, but there has been other moments that I've just felt like breaking down in the middle of a class periods.

I never did though. I'm not going to say that I have the worst problems or that my life is worse than anybody else's. I know that people go through their own problem and people deal with them in their own ways. I don't think that I ever really deal with my problems though. I usually keep them in, or I tell close friends certain parts of my problems but I don't think that I have ever fully opened up to anybody. I think that's part of the reason that I am the way I am and that's not a bad thing. I mean, there are moments when I'm a positive person but you know I have those days that I'm just feeling sad. There are moments that I feel like I want to cry. Those days that I don't want to talk to anybody because I feel like no one will want to listen to my problems. And when it comes to my self-esteem, well lets not talk about that.

Anyways Hayes is about to come over and help me with my homework. We both had to do some projects since we have some of the same classes. I got out my work and started laying them down on the living room table. I kneeled down on the floor and started working on one of the projects, a couple of minutes in I heard the door bell ringing. I walked down stairs, opening the door. I smiled when I saw Hayes standing holding some of his work. "Heey!" He said, I giggled and moved to the side to letting him in. "Hey, we're gonna be working in the living room by the way." I said closing the door and following him up the stairs.

I moved my poster and laid the rest of my things on the floor so that Hayes could also have some space to work on his things.  We worked on our project for a few minutes until Hayes said. "Hey so I was thinking that after this we could go out to eat after this." I stopped doing what I was doing and gave him my full attention. "Why? We got some food in the fridge." I said, he sighed. "Cause I want to talk to you." He said, I furrowed my eyebrows. "Talk to me about what Hayes?" I asked confused, I mean anything that he wants to talk about we can talk about it here. "I mean I just wanted to talk to you about how you've been. Ya know?" He said with a smile. Okay, now that's a topic that I honestly didn't feel comfortable talking about in public.

"Can we stay and just eat and talk here? We can just order some pizza or wings." I said, he sighed and nodded. "Yeah its cool, lets get some wings. I haven't had some in a long time." He said getting out his wallet. "Lets split the bill." I said smiling, he nodded. You could tell that he was a little disappointed that we wouldn't have been going out. I went into my room and got my wallet and phone, I then we back into the living room and sat back down next to Hayes placing both my phone and wallet down. "You know after eating we can go out for a walk or something, I'll just need to go and change. How does that sound?" I asked, he smiled. "That sounds awesome." He said.

"We'll just have to come back before my mom gets home." I said, he chuckled and nodded. We ordered the wings and went back to doing our work. While we were working I couldn't help but get lost in thoughts. I hate when this happens because it always brings down my mood, I shook my head snapping out of my thoughts and went back to working. "You good?" Hayes asked, I looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, I was just thinking of what else to add to the poster." I lied, he nodded and went back to doing his own work.

After a few more minutes of working on our projects the door bell rang. I got up and opened the door seeing the delivery man holding the box of wings and soda that we had ordered. "Hello your order of wings is here, if you could just sign this recite." He said giving me a pen and recite, I sighed it and we exchanged the recite and box of wings with each other. "Have a good day." He said with a smile. "Thank you and you too." I said smiling back, he nodded and walked away. I locked the door and walked upstairs.

"Foods here Hayes." I said smiling, he turned his head. "Yes! I'm starving." He moved both our things so that we could have room to eat, I placed the wings and soda on the table. I then went and got cups and paper towels for the bones and drinks. I placed them on the table and sat down next to Hayes, we ate and drank in silence. We ate as much as we could, we the left overs and soda in the fridge and threw away the bones.

"Aye Neveah come sit here." He said patting at the spot next to him on the couch. "You know we still have a bunch of work that we still need to finish?" I asked, he nodded but shrugged. "Yeah but, I wanted to talk to you." He said in a serious tone, curious of what he wanted to talk about I sat next to him. "What is it that you wanted to talk so bad about?" I asked, he shrugged. " I've just been wondering how you've been doing." He said. "Like are you okay? I've noticed that you've been looking a bit down lately. You really don't think that I wouldn't have noticed how quiet you've been, how after you smile or laugh you're back to being sad, how you're always zoning out. The list goes on and on." He continued.

My eyes widened, I didn't know that he was paying that much attention to me. This has got to be the first time that some one has paid that much attention to me. "You know that you can talk to me right? You know that my arms are wide open right?" He continued to say, I nodded. "Then talk to me Neveah." He spoke softly and help my hands. My eyes started to water, Hayes noticed and hugged me. "You don't have to talk to me right now. Whenever you're ready to talk, I'm all ears." He said. Oh what did I do to have such an amazing person like him in my life?

I took a deep breath and looked up at him still in his embrace. "No I want to talk to. I want to tell you how I'm feeling, I'm tired of keeping all of my feelings bottled up." I said, Hayes nodded, he laid one of his arms down on his leg and kept the other around my shoulder as I leaned more onto his body curling my legs up on the couch. "And I'm all ears." He said, I nodded. "I'm feeling sad, I've been feeling this way for a long time and I'm just tired of it. I know part of the reason that I'm feeling like this is because I've keep so many of my emotions in that I kind of 'forget' about them." I said , Hayes nodded. "I guess I've always felt like my problems have never been big enough to talk about. I guess I always thought that this feeling would go away but I guess not." I continued.

I told him why I felt like that. It felt good to just talk to someone, it feels good to know that someone is willing to listen to your problems. I guess this is how people feel whenever they open up to me. I honestly love it when people open up to me. I just need someone that I can open up to and I've found just the right person. The talk ended in some tears being shed, but it felt good. It felt good to cry again. I'm grateful to have such an amazing person like Hayes in my life.

Haaay. Okay so I feel like I've been procrastinating with this chapter, like I started it a month or two ago but aye at least it done now. Tell me what y'all think about it. I also wanted to say that this chapter is something that I went through and still going through this, I'm doing better though, I feel happier. It's all positive vibes from here.

From Yhur 1 and Only Yvonne<3