I walked in the house and threw my bag on the floor and went to the kitchen to get something to eat until I saw my mother in the hallway tears streaming down her face and her uneven breathing..I slowly walk to my mother..
"Mom are you okay?"
She seemed startled and grabbed me and pulled me close and whispered in my ear
"Honey, Gavin has cancer" she sobbed
I pulled away from my mother and dropped to the ground, "no...no, no he's fine!! I just saw him he's fine, I know he is..he's going to be fine" but I knew that he wasn't, he had been sick the past few weeks.
"Where is he?"
"He's in his room go talk to him.."
I slowly opened the door to see my brother crying in a ball on his bed...I didn't know what to say I just walked up to him and hugged him for what seemed like forever..
"You'll be fine" I whispered
"He looked at me weirdly then said," I'm dying...dying isn't fine ash!! I only have months to live does that mean anything to you?!"
I stepped back and tears streamed down my face," I'm not stupid ya know?? I just wanna be there for you!" I screamed
"Leave...please just go..." he whispered looking down at his bed"
"Why??..." I say as I wipe my eyes and open the door to leave.
"Just do it please.."
"Goodbye..Gavin.." I say as I shut the door..if I would have only known that would be the last time I talked to him..but..I didn't
I left the house for the rest of the day crying my eyes out, it's not time for him to go..he's 14 I'm 15..he should have a whole life ahead of him..I came back that night and cried myself to sleep. The next morning I got up and got ready for school, I left the house extra early to walk to school..I wasn't telling anyone about my brother i would have to tell them later. Once I got to school the whole day was a blur the only thing I could think about was Gavin. During my sixth hour I was sent to the office where my mother was standing..she took me out of school and took me to the hospital to say my last words to my brother..once we got there my brother went into shock and all I could do is stand there and watch my brother die..right in front of me..I couldn't move I couldn't speak..the whole room went silent, I saw my mother screaming I just couldn't hear it..I slowly look at my brother and my throat strains..hours pass in the hospital room and we still stand there..the doctors came in and said a lot but I could only hear certain things..
"We're so sorry for your lose..we tried everything"
My ears ring I cry silently and rock back in forth..he's gone...and I didn't get to say I love you..no..all I got to say was goodbye Gavin in a rude voice...later that day when we got home we sat in silence and prayed..eventually I got up and went to the bathroom and cleaned up..I saw the razor sitting on the counter..I slowly reached out to grab it and put it to my wrist..one cut..two cuts...three cuts..each getting deeper and deeper..see you soon Gavin I say to myself...four cuts..the blood drips off the counter to the floor..my breathing steadied..once I felt light headed all I remember is falling or the ground, as my body went in to shock..can't wait to see you Gavin I say..and go to sleep 🥀..
