Paper Hearts

06 | truth

[ dedicated to coalesces because she's the absolute sweetest person in the entire freaking world and i'm so glad to have been able to meet her <3 ]

PAPER HEARTS | 06

The world seemed to stop its rotation, pause on its axis, but time?

Time kept ticking on.

It followed the tick-tock of his heart and the tick-tick-tock of his breath. It ran its own rhythm even when nothing else followed; it sang its own tune when even the world around was wilted into silence. As the clock went tick-tick-tick, tap dancing alongside the rain, all the way to midnight, he felt his emotions slip-slip-slip. Sitting by himself, cloaked in nothing but darkness, there was no stopping the tears or the cries. There was no one to tell him when to stop; no one to tell him he should stop. So, without direction, he poured - he poured the rage and the grief into a bloody pile before him. He poured until his heart was as black as the midnight sky and until he felt shriveled and dead. Even then, he couldn't stop. Someone would ask him where he went wrong, and he would've said, I poured myself to ruins; I didn't know what else to do.

It was nearing the end of spring. He could make out the leaves on the trees and the flower buds on the bushes. Seasons would continue to come and go, but his father wouldn't. His father came into the world with a head of blonde hair, freckled cheeks and a wide smile, but he left with panic in his eyes and terror in his voice and there was nothing him or Micah could've done. There was nothing Micah would've done because he knew that in the second his father's hands turned clammy in his, he would've let go and he would've run. He would've had one of two choices: to lose his head without his consent or to lose it at his own hands while he was still ahead.

So when he decided on the latter, there was nothing and no one to stop him from trying to wash away the guilt. He hadn't been the one to kill his father, but he also wasn't the one who had tried to save him. Micah had been so busy trying to bury his emotions - he was so busy trying to get himself to the finish line - that he forgot all about his father. He had been so busy digging through the dirt that when he did cross the finish line, he forgot to wash his hands. They'd been dotted red; now they were doused in crimson - thick, metallic crimson. There was tequila in his system, under his fingernails, within the pockets of his pants. Wherever there was blood, there was alcohol, and when they mixed, he felt it in his bones.

He felt them grow weary. He noticed the way the bottle slipped when he lifted it to take another swig. His fingers wouldn't flex. They came crash down on shards of tinted glass. Alcohol mixed with his blood again - it burned. There was a voice in the back of his mind telling him to pick up the glass - pick up the sharpest, the shiniest, the prettiest edge he could find. There was a part of him willing his fingers to curl one last time. The voice was telling him to press that glass to his wrist, mix the alcohol and the blood, alcohol and blood, alcohol and blood. But that wasn't the only voice speaking to him.

There was a voice settling on the back of his neck. There was a body sitting behind him, in his pool of fresh tears and vomit and sweat and blood. Slender arms were locked around his shoulder and there was a face settled on his back, pressed into the smooth section between his shoulder blades. Two lips moved against his shirt and they whispered to him - louder and louder until milk and honey were all he could hear. It was a lullaby made of echoes and trembles and hiccups - a girl's voice - and it was telling him to put the glass down. Perhaps to live one more day - live to suffer or live for happiness, he wasn't sure.

That night, there was no part of his heart that wasn't colored black but the part that Ellie managed to touch managed to beat ruby once again.

And it beat just for her.

• • •  

Micah and Ellie were always home on Saturday's, which was why the two usually kept the weekends to themselves. But, to celebrate Isla's birthday in a little style, they decided to throw a party in their apartment. Micah was in charge of decorations, and Ellie was in charge of food, but the problem with the friends celebrating other people's birthday's was that they could never agree on a single decoration or food item. It was always Micah bringing up nonexistent allergies because he didn't like what Ellie offered to make, and it was always Ellie throwing a party hat at Micah's face because everything he'd set up in the last two hours was crooked.

By the time the guests were to arrive - Isaac and Isla in this case - Ellie would be sprawled across the couch, the usual slice of pizza in hand, and Micah would still be trying to get up the last of the happy birthday banners. There was one thing the two always did right though and that was the drinks. The fridge was completely empty aside from the boxes of beer shoved in, while their wine cabinet was overflowing with a single wine bottle. And what would the party be without some tequila? For the two of them, that was no party at all - rather, that was like going to church and, occasionally, confessing their sins. However, the problem with tequila that came with Micah and Ellie was that the two of them were lightweights.

Isaac always suggested pre-drinks while cutting the cake and singing happy birthday. Unfortunately, pre-drinks was all it took for either of them to get a little tipsy.

Staying true to his word, Micah mentioned nothing about their night together, but Ellie noticed the shift in his behavior. He was bolder all of a sudden, planting swift touches on the insides of her thighs whenever they sat together. His lips were always along the shell of her ear; the sweet spot behind it. He stood closer, and did so more often, but Micah was still careful. In the instances that Ellie shrugged him away, or even swerved, he stopped.

Their desire was strong; their friendship would be stronger.

Or, that's what they hoped.

When on the verge of being drunk, Micah had a tendency to go into great detail about his sexual endeavors while Ellie spilled the beans on all the sexual endeavors she wanted done to her. A little intoxication and truth or dare made for an especially deadly mix - considering Isla and Isaac were in the room. It was especially dangerous when Micah decided to pick Ellie, instead of Isaac, as his target.

"Ellie: truth or dare?"

She swayed towards Isla's shoulder. "Truth, of course."

Micah raised an eyebrow. "Remember that night from two weeks ago? Who was it you were thinking of fucking?"

Ellie lifted her bottle to her lips, making a face. "Isn't it obvious?"

When Micah shook his head, much to Isla and Isaac's dismay, Ellie said, "I was thinking of you, dumbass."

• • •

a/n: i'm back (i think)! i had finals this week but they have finally come to an end - thank goodness. i'm officially a second semester senior and i can now care about nothing! lol jk (sort of). i apologize for being absent but i'm back now and i hope that i can be more active from now on! that being said, this update is a day late but it's still an update haha. i hope you all like it! thank you so much to everyone reading and supporting this story. it honestly means the whole world to me and i cannot thank you all enough for your constant support. NOTE! i accidentally posted a coming-soon story on my account called SWEET TALKS. it's basically a cooking story (i'm obsessed with hell's kitchen) about a girl named zara who has to survive working in a kitchen run only by dudes. if that interests you, definitely check it out! thank you everyone! i hope everyone is well and i can talk to you guys in another update :) also, i'll be replying to comments as soon as i can!