Paper Hearts

07 | taunt

[ dedicated to hyrule because i'm currently reading her latest book, smitten kitten, and it's actually one of the most humorous books i've read in a while. it genuinely brings a smile to my face with every chapter <3 ]

PAPER HEARTS | 07

She knew when there was a tempest closing in, but she never tried to protect herself from it. The clouds normally put a dapper on her mood; the winds usually ripped the umbrella out of her hand; the showers occasionally flayed her skin here or there. She had come to understand that when the forecast got bad, it was better to try to weather out the storm instead of trying to avoid it. How well she could manage to weather the storm - that made for a different story.

She didn't always have to be on the lookout for sudden hurricanes or tornados or earthquakes. There was a time, once upon a time, that she could hold the hand of whomever she wanted and still see joyous eyes. There was a day when she could hug the body of whomever she wanted and still kiss teasing lips. There was a moment when she could kiss the cheek of whomever she wanted and still return to welcoming arms. But love wasn't always smooth sailing. There was no such thing as love without fights, but sometimes she found herself asking if there could be love when there was nothing but fights.

"Why is it that you care for him more than you care for me?"

She scoffed. "That's not the case and you know it."

But he didn't know it, and, unfortunately, neither did she. The longer she was in one relationship, the more she seemed the devoted to another. The less faithful she appeared, the angrier he became. There were times when the tempest was survivable but more often than not, neither of them came out unscathed.

The clouds set in place as the lights dimmed; the sudden flash of his palms usually smacked her own out of the way whenever they shot up to shield her face; a downpour of glass cleaved through her ear, or collar, or forearm.

At the end of the storm, when his fists were just short of her face and his breath was cold on her neck and his body was pressed uncomfortably close to hers, there was always a threat looming over her hunched shoulders.

The next time something like this happens, the glass won't be the only thing leaving this apartment broken.

• • •

As she kicked the key out from underneath the carpet, Ellie couldn't help but pray. Words formed on her lips but she couldn't manage the voice to articulate her thoughts - please be in a good mood; please don't blow up; please be a good boyfriend. But she sensed a storm in the distance. Outside, the sky was fuzzy, smudged with shades of grey. The ground shook beneath her; she felt the thunder thrum through her bones. Ellie knew that the minute she opened her mouth to apologize to Isaac, the rain was going to fall. It was going to pitter on the balcony, patter against kitchen window. The crackle of water and the howl of wind was going to drown out the tremble in her voice.

When her head peeked past the door, she noticed the glass of whiskey in Isaac's hand. It took all the strength in her to keep from closing the door and running the other way.

"Took you long enough to get back to me," he said, sipping at his drink.

"I've been busy," she started, lamely.

"Busy with work or busy fucking Micah?"

Cue the lightning.

There was a time in her life when Isaac trusted her. Perhaps not Micah, but he trusted her word and her self-control. It wasn't unusual for him to ask what she'd done with Micah - especially on days they spent together - but he never minded her brutal honesty when it came to her best friend. He respected them as people and he tried to respect their relationship as best as he could. Ellie, however, didn't blame Isaac for his misconstrued theories and constant doubt. Sometimes, when she tried to imagine herself in his shoes, she experienced similar feelings of suspicions.

It was Micah who was reassuring her that they were friends and nothing more. It was him giving her weekly lectures about how best friends could be close to each other without having to be anymore. In truth, he wasn't convincing anyone - more than anything, he spoke to make himself feel better. Both Ellie and Micah knew that they weren't just friends. People who were, quite literally, only friends didn't ogle each other or shamelessly kiss each other's necks or cuddle at any given opportunity. They certainly didn't touch each other whenever they felt like it. And, unfortunately, since she couldn't convince herself that her and Micah were just friends, it was unlikely she was going to be able to convince Isaac of the same thing.

"Isaac, I was drunk. I didn't know what I was saying."

"I'm just confused as to why you would say his name over mine? It's not like I wasn't in the room with you."

Although surviving the hurricane was near impossible, Ellie had discovered a way to prolong the calm before the storm. Shutting the door behind her, the closed the distance between her and a seated Micah. The leather of the couch cushioned her knees on both sides of him and she rested her weight on his thighs, but Isaac made no move to support her. One arm remained limp at his side while the other clung to his drink. Refusing to make eye contact, he turned his head to manage a sip.

"Ellie, I don't want you touching me."

She caressed his cheek. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you mean that."

"Fine." A hand shot out and grappled onto her chin, fingers digging into her cheeks. 

"Ellie Harte, I don't want you to fucking touch me because I don't know where those hands of yours have been. For all I know and care, they could've been all over Micah's body before you came to my place. You can tell me whatever you want, but nothing you say will make me trust you because, as far as I know, when we're not together, all you're thinking about is fucking Micah. Sometimes I have to ask myself why I'm still dating you despite, in spite, of all this.

She shook away his grip; leaned away from his touch. Ellie was almost on her feet. "Yeah? If you feel that way, why are you still dating me?"

"Because I feel bad for you, Ellie! If I don't date you, who the hell will? No one wants used goods - you and Micah are a package deal. No guy is going to want to put up with the insecurity that his girlfriend is potentially fucking another guy behind his back! You're beautiful, babe - I will never deny that - but you're also not what a guy wants. Your face, your intelligence, and your personality will never be able to make up for your body. You're thinking I'm wrong, aren't you? That if you broke up with me right now and went running to Micah, he'd forget about Isla and sweep you off your feet? Why don't you go ask him yourself, Ellie? Go ask Micah if he'd date you."

But Ellie would never ask him that; it didn't matter how much Isaac taunted her.

She wouldn't ask him because when she herself felt that she was unworthy of his love, how was she going to convince him otherwise?

• • •

a/n: i thought i'd update a little early today because GUESS WHAT GUYS?! i got into the university of michigan - the college of my dreams! throwback to december when i was deferred and was the ultimate mess haha. i'm honestly so happy because it was so unexpected and i was actually genuinely expecting to be rejected so i'm literally over the moon right now, haha. and, now that i'm officially a second semester senior (now that i'm accepted, i can breathe lol) paper hearts will definitely be finished (at least the writing). i've finally been able to get back to writing and i'm currently working on the 9th chapter. my projection is that this story have around 16 chapters? that's just an estimate though. thank you all so much for reading this story and being so patient with it! i'm very on and off wattpad and i apologize for that - i can only hope to be more active from now on though! i hope to talk to everyone soon - perhaps in an another update? let's see if i can update weekly, haha. again, thank you all so much and i hope you enjoyed!