Goodbye. The Final Ending.

Reality.

I can't believe it. She's gone. Rachel's actually gone. There she was resting on the table holding her child; smiling, then, just like that. Nothing. I wanted to break down crying but I couldn't believe what was really happening. Mia was screaming as all she could hear was Claire, Rachel's mum, crying her poor heart out. Nurses and Doctors voices all around the room as they tried to bring her back but they couldn't. 

We got driven home by a policeman as Claire was in too much shock and I had a bad ankle. Turns out it wasn't fractured but badly damaged. Just painful to walk on. The whole journey home was silent. The policeman did mention how sorry he was, for everything even though it wasn't his fault. Claire never said a word. She only wandered herself out of the window. I was in the back holding onto little Mia. She was allowed out as she was perfectly fine. But me? I don't really know how to feel. Yeah I did loose my parents, especially my Mum to child birth, but for it to be the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, it just, it just does something to you. Like a whole part of your life as been torn out without a word. Gone, vanished! Being honest Mia was the only thing putting a smile on my face. She had her mothers eyes and nose. Her cute... Little button nose.

Once we got home it seemed so empty. So alone even though there are still 3 of us thanks to Mia but, Rachel was the main part of the family. Without her I might not have been happy, considering my heart became a problem again so I was gonna get put back into foster care as my foster parents I was with couldn't afford to look after me anymore.

Claire just sat on the sofa in front of the TV. She didn't say a word, or have a sudden change of expression, it was all the same. Bland and sad. I didn't say anything to her as I knew she needed time to herself. 

I soon shew Mia around. Yeah she wont understand but it gave me a sense of peace. I went into the living room but not for long as Claire was in there. Then to the kitchen as well as the dining room. But there I now stood. Her room. The wall right outside still had a dent from when  she punched it. Her door was still open. All of her clothes layed out on the floor. Her bed unmade from when she slept in it. The window slightly open just the way she liked it as she would get flustered quite quickly. Mia started to giggle. I bounced her up and down my side before entering the room. During the months we had off school I moved into the storage room. It's not small it's the same size of Rachel's, but they just used it to put anything there when there was no place for it. So I guess this is Mia's room. We already had the crib set ready.

I sat myself on Rachel's bed and looked at the entire room. It was all the same. I mean apart from the few baby parts that we later added it's just how she left it. 

Mia's head got heavy as she began to fall asleep. I got myself up and placed her in her crib. I stood over her promising that I will always be there for her. To protect her, advice anything. 

She looks so much like her. I gently stroked her forehead with my thumb as if I kissed her it could wake her up more. I grabbed the little blanket hanging off the end and placed it over her. Her sweet little mouth smiled then lightly stuck out her tongue. 

I looked over her as she slept. Just imagine. Rachel could be here. Standing next to me. I mean yeah she may have died in future from whatever she had at the hospital but, she might've been able to do what her dad did, well what happened to her dad. A miracle. 

I couldn't hold it in any longer. My eyes swelled up as they gathered tears. One droplet of water fell from my eye down my cheek like in the movies. Where no matter how much you tried to hide it you were hurt. 

My face tensed. My eyebrows began to frown as I started to cry. I put my hands over my face weeping loudly. I moved back and sat myself onto the floor right in front of her bed. I had my knees pressed against my chest, with my arms wrapped around them tight and close. All I could do was bury my head and cry. It was at this point, standing in her room looking at something that couldn't look more like her if she tried, that I realized all of this is real. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and it's all a nightmare. That Rachel is okay and were getting up to go to school to start our education. The doctor got put in jail and we don't have to worry about him. But, she's really gone. He's still out there living his life. He already lost her. He didn't even lose her as he never had her in the first place! 

"Rachel..."

I cried out for her name. I knew it was no use but I needed her more than ever. I don't know how I'm going to cope but I promised to save Mia's life over her's. I can't just do that and give up. I have to keep going. I have to raise Mia like she is my own. Yes I may only be 17 but I basically promised this. 

After siting for 10 minutes thinking it all over, letting everything out, I joined Claire down stairs. There she was staring at the TV. She hadn't moved since we got in. To think she lost her husband and now her only child. 

I walked over and sat next to her. I looked down un-aware of what to say. She looked over with blood shot eyes. Her lips dry from lack of moisture. Her skin pale, not white but just, pale. Her hands were shaking as she held onto herself. I could tell she was in pain. I mean she has no reason not to be. Yeah she now has a grandchild, but she is a remembrance of a reason why Rachel died. Her father is the cause for all of this. No matter how much she reminds us of Rachel, there may always be that slight of hate; but I won't let that get in the way. She's all I have left of her emotionally. 

As Claire looked at me she soon scrunched. Trying to hold back the tears but it was no good. She whimpered and cried. It wasn't like when you accidentally hurt yourself so you cry. It's more like real, true pain. The one where you can tell by the sound of your voice and how croaky or stuttery you speak. When you breathe it's uneven as you're trying to calm yourself but you're so weak at the same time. 

I know I can't do much and I can't understand how she is truly feeling but I can be there. I placed my hands around her head and pulled her to my chest. She had her arms against her side but her hands on my back trying to hold on. She was shaking as if she was cold but not. Even though I've already cried all I wanted to express was how I felt but, I can't. Right now we need someone who can support this family as much as we can. Mia is only a baby and Claire has lost too much. 

As we sat there hugging, Mia's cries ran past our ears. I slowly removed her arms from me as I nodded to tell her I would go. As I stood I felt a hand press on my arm. Claire got up and went herself. I sat myself back down. Not long after she walked back in with Mia in her arms. She had tears gliding down her skin but was smiling as she was making the baby laugh. We looked at each other and smiled and giggled as the cute baby noises echoing through the house.

Rachel if you can hear me. I won't give up. I will do everything I can to protect your mum and the baby. I will tell her when she is at the right age of what happened. I'll exclaim how strong you were, how you went through shit to keep her alive. How the world is cruel and twisted but in time you will find the one that changed all that. How you will know when you are home. Just like you have given me... Rachel. I love you...