Forever Hold Your Peace

Girl Dad

This last week I feel like I've finally started to feel better. I feel like I can finally breathe again. Elliot keeps telling me the things I'm worried about now are normal new mom things. It's so hard to think of myself in that way. I don't feel like I'm about to be someone's mom.

"You alright babe?" Elliot asks softly.

"I'm good..." I say softly, forcing a smile.

He kisses me softly. He knows I'm lying.

We get called into the doctor's office almost as soon as we get there.

"Mrs. Stabler, how are we?" The doctor asks.

"I'm okay" I say honestly, forcing myself to take a deep breath. "I think the anti-anxiety medication is really working. I've been able to sleep a little bit better."

"Good! That's exactly what I wanted to hear" She says, "How are we doing otherwise? Eating enough? Have you felt any movement?"

"I'm working on the eating thing." I say, "It's getting easier now that I'm not so anxious all the time. I felt her move for the first time a few weeks ago"

"Oh good! You should only be a few weeks away from Dad being able to feel them" She says as I pull my shirt up and roll my pants down. I lay back on the exam table and Elliot sits next to me and takes my free hand, the other tucked behind my head.

She presses the wand into my stomach and moves it around a bit. She turns the screen towards us and I smile. It looks like a baby, it's so much bigger than last time we were here.

"Everything looks great." She says. "Do you want to know the sex?"

Elliot looks at me and I nod my head.

"Baby Girl Stabler should be making her appearance in about twenty weeks, give or take a few." She says.

Elliot is grinning from ear to ear and so am I.

"Oh, Liv... A girl..." He says happily. He kisses my forehead before returning his attention to the screen.

The doctor plays her heartbeat for us and prints off pictures.

"Usually this is something we discuss earlier but have you considered if you'd like to do an amniocentesis?" She asks, "We don't perform them after twenty weeks so this would be your last chance to have that done?"

"What is that?" Elliot asks.

"It's a procedure where we take a bit of the amniotic fluid and test for genetic abnormalities." She says, "It's very low risk, and I do recommend it for all of our moms who are over thirty-five."

"No, right?" Elliot says, looking at me, "No, we don't need that."

"El..." I say softly, "I think we should."

"I'll give you two a few minutes." The doctor says, leaving the exam room.

"Liv, we don't need those tests." He says, "Low risk doesn't mean something can't happen. Kathy and I never had any of those done."

"Kathy wasn't pushing forty." I say, "I really think we should."

"Olivia, you're not forty." He says, "And even if you were, it's still our baby. It doesn't change anything."