almost || h.s

October 3 1963

It was hard to sleep last night. The bags underneath my eyes proved my case. I was no longer warm anymore, the room was cold and barren without him. I refused to leave the bed, afraid that I too might die. So I decided to spend my day reading his journal addressed to me.

Page 1

I bet you are wondering why this even exists. Or why I took the time out of my day to write about my very boring life. But the truth was that my life really wasn't boring with her around. She brightened my day and gave me hope that maybe the doctor was wrong and I could stay forever with her in my arms.

It precisely started on August 18, 1963. I had been so angry at my results that I decided to storm out of the office and return home. Usually walks would ease my mind, but not this one. The office was about 20 blocks from my flat and it took forever for me to actually get home. But just as I turned the sharp corner and onto my familiar street, I noticed a girl sitting on a bench towards the other half of the street. She looked very young from my distance but I was very wrong about that.

I began to quicken my speed, hoping to avoid any contact with her. I just didn't want to get caught up in another bad ending. Let me elaborate. My father married my mother 67 days before he passed away from cancer. My mom proceeded to die when I was only 9 years of age. I had to make a living at such a young age. It was hard on me but I managed.

Anyways, she decided to confront me regardless. And somehow I couldn't control myself. She needed a place to stay and I couldn't just tell her to go away. She ran away from home and I had to cover up my history. I didn't want her sympathy and I didn't want her to know what was ahead of me. I just wanted her to like me for me and not treat me like I could die any minute. Her name is Elizabeth Cooper and her eyes are the prettiest I've ever seen. It was almost grey but blue as well. And her blonde hair was so soft and beautiful, just like her.

It's safe to say that I couldn't let her go. And I was so stupid to let her in. I know what's going to happen and I hate myself for that. But Elizabeth, please know that I couldn't help myself. You were just like everyone else, but once you opened up to me, I couldn't resist. You are my weakness and I hope you know that this wasn't some game or joke. I promise.

At the bottom of this page you will find a charm. It's of an eye. You are the eye of my beholder. And your eyes are what changed my mind about love.

-Harry Styles

I sat the book down, tears brimming my eyelids as I held the small eye between my fingers, examining it and admiring it. One more thing to hold on from Harry, I thought, bringing the charm to my heart.

Page 2

It was August 18th now. We woke up entangled in each other's bodies. Her warmth comforting me and putting me into a beautiful slumber, filled with dreams of us dancing around and having a good time.

I knew from that moment when she argued with me on whether or not who would sleep on the couch, she would be the one for me. I fell in love in that moment. Her stubbornness captivated me.

But she tried to leave that morning. I had to stop her. I couldn't let her leave my life like everyone else. She had to stay. So I lied again. I went with the first thing that came to my head, my next doctor's appointment. I said that five days was how long she had to stay. My goal was to make her feel the same way I did about her.

I know she is a keeper. And I know what I'm doing. But when I'm around her, I feel as if my cancer didn't exist, that I'm invincible and strong. With her, I'm me.

When I die, I want everyone to know that my first and only love was Elizabeth Cooper.

Elizabeth when you read this I want you to know that even though my body isn't there to keep you warm and my voice isn't there to annoy you, I'm still looking down on you and loving you every second of it. I don't want you to dwell on my death, I want you to cherish. Think of my death as a milestone. Something that lasted and was great, I hope.

Well the charm on the bottom of this page is of a sun. It has two meanings really. The first is of how you are the light of my day and there's no one that could ever compare to that. The second being that even though I have died by the time you read this, I want you to know that you still have a bright future ahead of you. Get out more and find your true love.

-Harry Styles