almost || h.s

October 4 1963

"Good morning, Harry."

I turned to my side so I was facing him. But then it hit me. He's not here anymore. He's gone. And then I found his journal lying in his place. It took all of my courage to open it and read more. I don't like being reminded of his permanent absence. I would rather pretend he's here with me, cooking me breakfast and bringing it to me in bed or taking his daily bath and screaming for me to scrub his back.

God, I miss him.

Page 3

Today is August 20th and it is the day I will never forget. It's the day that we confessed our love for each other. It was beautiful actually.

I never knew you could sing either. And the way you waltzed around the living room when Elvis erupted out of the radio, made my heart melt. I don't think you know just how beautiful you really are. Every girl is pretty in their own way, whether it's looks or personality. But every once in a whole you will find a girl who is beautiful not just with their appearance but with their whole entirety of a soul. That's what you are (the second one).

I really want to make a novel better than any of the stuff you read but I'm rather lazy. I want to write across every book and every wall "I love Elizabeth Cooper." I want the world to know just how much you mean to me and how I'm the only one that gets to hold you at night. But I'm afraid that if we go out into the real world you will leave me and I can't have that. I need you forever by my side. I know my forever isn't in that long of time but I want to make it last. I want you to know that you are my forever and always.

At the bottom of this page you will find a heart charm and a music charm. Keep them safe for me. You are music to my ears and the reason my heart beated. And I bet you are wondering why I'm giving you random charms... you will find out in the end of this pointless journal. I love you, darling.

-Harry Styles

My vision was clouded with tears. Tears of happiness, sorrow, frustration, and emptiness. I need him here with me now. Not this stupid journal that only reminds me of his cheeky personality, always to trying to bring a smile to my face. I feel like I can't smile without him here. He was the reason I smiled, so why smile when the only reason I ever smiled is gone? I asked myself the question repeatedly as I flipped to the next page, reminiscing in his childish writing.

Page 4

I'm pretty sure you remember this day well seeing that I was gone for half of it. Well it was August 22nd. I had left and told you I had business to take care but really i didn't. I had a doctors appointment for another screening of my cancer in my liver. They found out that the cancer had spread to various parts of my body. That's why I was so pale and shocked. I'm sorry if I scared you when I walked through the door. And I told you that you would find out about it sooner or later and here it is.

I actually asked if there was any treatment because I don't think I could ever bare being without you. But they said it was too late. Can you believe it? They call themselves doctors but they can't cure cancer! And now I have a feeling I'm dead at the moment, dead inside at least. I just wish you knew about it before I passed. Well I wanted to tell you but I couldn't bring myself to see your face upon hearing what happened.

I'm sorry. I know I say that a lot but I am. I hate doing this to you. I hate having to keep my whole life from you but please realize it's for a good reason. I just want the best for you. And it's not me. I want you to go find a pretty looking lad and take him home. To your home. Leave this little, old flat and return home. Tell your parents everything you need to get off of your chest. Who knows, they might actually appreciate your honesty or they could just kick you out. I'm kidding. But seriously your parents love and miss you just like I do from up here in heaven.

I saved a spot for you when it's your time. We will meet again trust me. And I will be waiting with open arms. Just don't lose hope of love. Move on and have a family. And don't forget to name one of your little rascals Harry (not Edward). I love you so much Elizabeth. And yes I just used fillers but who really cares? I don't, I just wanted to annoy you like I do best.

And at the bottom of the page the charm will be of a cloud. It means that even though your two little feet are planted safely on the ground, one day it will be your time to come and join me in heaven. And it's up in the clouds where I will be waiting.

-Harry Styles