"Now then you mad bastards, I assume you're familiar with apocalypse rules?" John asked the group, excluding cait because she was upstairs doing her hair.
"Stay alive, have fun and don't take shit seriously?" Mitch returned sarcastically
"Exactly that" John answered.
"Now, because it has better doors and more supplies than us, we're off to tesco."
"Right. And how? It's a mile and a half away you mental prick, walking that distance through zombies will not be fun." Steph questioned.
"Of course it'll be fun you twat we've got the weapons upstairs and we're all strong enough" Mitch chimed in.
"Shut up and get it done. Pack your bags, we leave in an hour." John commanded.
An hour later and the crew were decked out, with a baseball bat, machete and a side panel of a wardrobe, the panel being wielded by Mitch.
"Mitch you fucking mongoloid what are you doing with my wardrobe? There's honestly another baseball bat under the sink with the bleach." Cait said, saying her first words of the day.
"Leave me alone" he said grinning. "I've got a better weapon anyway" he laughed holding the vibrator by the cord
Cait just ignored him and set the crew out the door, following last.
John was surprised to find that he couldn't see any zombies around.
"There's a corner shop just down the street, can we go?" Mitch said.
John replied with a traditional answer "aye" (he's not some kinda pirate he's just fucking Scottish)
And then a gurgling sound was heard. John couldn't help but find it. This zombie sprinted round the corner and straight into a baseball bat. To say the hit came keen was an understatement, he hit it in the eye socket and it fell to the floor, spraying discoloured blood everywhere.
"Curb stomp!" Mitch exclaimed whilst driving his foot through rotting flesh and weakened bone.
"You're fucking grim and it's fucking brilliant, that shit was like something out of raid" said steph laughing till her sides gave out.
Cait was already in the shop with the machete carving heads. She ran out screaming about a bounty when actually there was corpse upon corpse upon corpse in the back room, where she had been stepping. The rest of the gang ran into the shop and flicked on the lights.
"That. Is. Absolutely disgusting." Steph complained as a rat burst out from what used to be a person's stomach.
"This is fucking brilliant, look at all the snickers bars" John retaliated.
YOU ARE READING
zombies, Summer Ain't Right without Em.
Humorwhen summer goes to utter shit, and you've got no clue what to do or why you're trying to have some form of intercourse with your ex (seriously stop fucking them, you're exes for a reason, dumbass) you can always turn to local nutcase crew: John, Mi...
