Borrowed Time

Chapter Five

All sound has left the world. My screams are drowned in the silent water. Not even a whisper can escape my lips. I am gasping for air, for breath; grasping for just one more second, for one more moment. My heart thunders in my chest, I feel the beating, so prominent in my body, but I have lost its steady song. The world is closing in on me. I try to run but the walls are faster, enclosing me, capturing me in a glass prison I can't escape. Grain by grain, sand falls over me, and soon it's pooling. I don't know what will come first, the end of the sand or the end of my rapid breaths, but I do know what this is leading to. I have always known. The sand is running out. My breath is slowing, my heart beginning to beat out a slower melody. This is my end.

I'm shaking when I awake. I'm scared to open my eyes. Scared that Nicole has seen me yet again. That she will make sly comments about me having trouble sleeping. That she will make me the butt of the joke. But the world smells of fabric softener and it relaxes me. I blink awake slowly, looking out into the world through half-closed eyes. I am no stranger to waking up in new places, often that I don't recognize. That's what happens when you move around a lot. I have grown to expect this.

What I don't expect, are the brown eyes hovering above me. When he sees me move, he backs away a little, and I take a deep breath, slowly pushing myself up on the bed.

“Cecilia, are you okay?” Jaden asks in his smooth voice.

“Ya, I'm fine,” I say nonchalantly, wondering how I can get out of this. Maybe running is the best option.

“Are you sure?” He asks softly. “You were shaking and saying something,” I turn red, waiting for the punchline of the joke, but it never comes.

“Really, just a bad dream.” This isn't technically lying. It was sort of like a bad dream. Except sometimes, waking up is the worst part.

“You hungry?” He asks gently. “Do you want something for breakfast?”

I shake my head, starting to get up, still trembling a little. “I shouldn't have fallen asleep,” I say quickly. “My—er—friends will be worried.” I know that it's true. Gandalf will be waiting for me when I get home, I know he will. Nicole and/or Oscar will make some comment about where I've been. And Xavier...I don't even know what Xavier will do. I don't even know if he made it back last night.

“Let me walk you home.” Jaden stands up with me and watches as I run my fingers through my hair.

“No, I'll be fine,” I say, already at the foot of the stairs. I belatedly realize that I'm still wrapped in his coat. I reluctantly take it off, passing it to him, our skin meeting for the tiniest second.

“Are you just going to run off on me again?” It's not just disappointment this time. There is real hurt in his voice. Real betrayal. I just met you. I want to say.

“I'm sorry...” I begin, going up the stairs slowly, but my voice trails off because I'm not sure what comes after that.

“Look, there's this thing on Saturday. It's probably really stupid.” He turns away from me and digs through the clutter on his desk, pulling out a flyer for a party at a house nearby. “The band is really great and I'll be there, and you know, I'd love it if you came.” I nod, and wonder if he knows that I'm already planning a way out of the house to get there. I wonder if he knows that he didn't even have to ask.

“I really have to go,” I say softly, taking the flyer and folding it, stuffing it into the front pocket of my shorts. I walk up the stairs as quietly as possible, opening the door to make sure his parents aren't in the kitchen.

Just as I'm about to close it, I hear Jaden call after me to be careful of something, but I don't catch the last part. That is, not over Vaughn's barking, which is so deep and loud, I almost fall backwards.

“Shit,” I mutter, and open the side door, closing it quickly as I begin running. To passers by, I probably look unstable. It's eight o'clock in the morning, my hair is a mess, I have only a tank top and shorts on, and I'm running like a maniac.

I make it to the house in what has to be record time. I'm panting and I pause at the front door, collecting myself. My fingers grasp the frigid metal and I twist, sucking in my breath, not looking at the scene inside for a long moment.

As I'd predicted, Gandalf is sitting at the kitchen table, looking like the disapproving parent I never had.

“Cecilia...” He begins, but his voice dies out as Xavier walks in from where he was sitting on the living room sofa. His eyes are the color of pine trees and he looms above me the same way he did last night. It still scares me.

“Where were you?” He asks gruffly, standing between me and everyone else, who I now realize are also sitting on the couch, staring at me.

“I was just at a friend's.” I look at the ground, not meeting his eyes.

“A friend's?” He asks, disbelieving. “You have a friend here?”

Irritation boils inside me. “Ya, you know what, Xavier, I do. I am capable of making friends, you know? My whole life does not revolve around you,” I snap, folding my arms over my chest and glaring up at him.

“You know how dangerous it is to have friends,” he says plainly, his eyes growing darker and darker with each word, like the sky at sunset.

“Nicole does it!” I pout like a child. I see behind Xavier, that Gandalf is taking Mae and Alice out of the room, and I'm glad for it.

“Oh, but I do it well, sweetheart.” Nicole's voice says in the background, and I ignore her.

“Nicole doesn't make connections. You know you can't tell anyone about us, Ceal. You know that it's dangerous for us and for them. You could ruin everything.”

“I'm not doing anything. I just spent the night at his house. I was cold and if I recall, I only went out because you threw a little hissy fit.” I know this is kind of a low blow, but it doesn't matter because he doesn't seem to hear. His face is contorted in a strange manner that I've never seen, and never again want to see.

“His?” He repeats slowly. “You are going to blow everything on a boy?”

“I haven't blown anything, Xavier! We watched a movie, that was all,” I say, because it's the truth and because I really don't want him to be angry anymore. I want my Xavier back.

“It's not going to go anywhere, you know? We're leaving this neighborhood on Sunday anyway, you know that.” I knew this was coming, but it still saddens me when he says it. He's right. It's dangerous and useless, none of us could ever have a relationship lasting more than a couple weeks anyway.

But then, another thought occurs to me. Sunday. We're leaving Sunday. Jaden invited me to a party on Saturday. I get one more day. I get just that much more time with him. Just sometimes, it feels nice to be given time.