Firecracker

-29- ✔️

"Y-... you what?" MICHAEL STARED AT ME, EYES SWIRLING WITH HURT AND something else. An emotion that I only found recognizable because I had seen it only once before.

When we had broken up.

We were standing in the middle of the lounge room, where we had been getting things ready for the upcoming wedding in the next two months. But I couldn't do it. And I had been holding off telling him why for the past few days.

"I.. I just don't....-"

"No," he crossed his arms over his chest expectantly, but I knew that he was only guarding himself, "No. I want an answer"

But I wasn't sure that I had one. I bit my lip and reluctantly welcomed the silence that blanketed us. My eyes looked anywhere but at him, and I shied away when he took a step closer to me.

He placed his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him, "No. You're going to look at me when you say it" his voice was cold, and as I looked up into his eyes, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to do this or not.

I didn't want to hurt him. I really didn't. I loved him.

But I wasn't inlove with him.

And that was the problem.

I gently took his hand off my chin and held it in my hand as I looked down. My eyes took their own sweet time meeting his again, and I struggled to get what I wanted to say off of my chest.

"I... I don't want to...-," I bit my lip to stop it from shaking, and I took a breath, "I don't want to get... to get married—I..-I'm sorry-"

"Is that it?" his voice sounded strangely hopeful, and his next words allowed me to understand why, "You don't want to get married but.. but you still love me, right?"

I nodded my head, yet my eyes betrayed me and welled with tears, "I.. of course I love you Michael. I'll always love you-"

He took a breath of relief, but I wasn't finished yet.

"Michael I... I don't want to.. I don't want to marry you"

He tensed, the words sinking in, "You don't want to marry me?"

I bit my bottom lip. As far as rejections went, I had never been the one to really give them.

"I've just.. I've been having doubts and-"

"You're leaving me?"

I wiped under my eyes, "I'm always going to love you-"

"Stop," he cut me off, turning away from me, "Don't say that"

"Michael," I had to keep going, "I'm just not ready to settle down and live life by somebody else's rules... I want to go to university and travel and fall in love-"

Michael whipped around to face me at those words.

The wrong words.

"That's... that's not what I meant-"

"Then what did you mean? Huh?" he rose his voice, hurt, "How could you say that to me? 'Fall in love'," he scoffed, "What is going on with you?"

"I didn't mean it like that...-"

He huffed, hurt, "I don't want anyone else, Miley. I just want you"

"You've had the chance to figure that out, though," I told him gently, "It just doesn't feel right...  to stay here"

I waited for him to say something, but all he did was rub his hand over his mouth. I knew that he didn't know what to say. I was doing a horrible job at explaining what I wanted to him, and I decided to continue on, though it was nervous rambling at this point.