believing but doubtfully thinking

Well, it's like I can't even take a break from thinking, why nothing-else but thinking frequently, it's like I got nothing to even kill-time with but thinking unstoppably even if there's something to do or someone to be with,  I mostly be called the wallflower . It look crazier when you try to destruct yourself from thinking, but ended up thinking how to destruct myself from thinking, but in a view moments realized I can't forbid myself from thinking.
There is no way to stop thinking so why not writing about the things that keeps me distractedly-sleepless-thinking, to start with simplicity and not-overstating anything.
as we all know everything start with thoughts and imaginative thinking, even science-itself that scientist  brag about, is nothing but compounded  thoughtfully thinking's. nothing but further commitment's and research's create unbelievable things like aircrafts and spaceships, what got me thinking is not how this beings find particularly things and make it remarkable science, but, but why they bragging their inventions to mighty god whom created the whole world in six days, I'm not talking about a particular god but by all organized gods, let us not stuck with a one-offs,  as we all can realize we all been raced by uncharacteristic thought that based from our parents thought as they gathered through their elders, in particularly not judging my parent nor anyone's parent just because they believes those myths, but swiftly if I tried to ask any of those believers why they choose this particularly religion, they won't give me reasonable answer, just unexpected attitude, it's like they don't even know why they choose this particularly religion, as it seems they never chosen it but been raced by it, as the philosopher calls  it a nothing but a hobby.
Probably me thinking is nothing but hobby that I gained from thinking-daily since I learn how to breathe or be enjoyed by the toxic air knowing it can effect me, but if I tried to gather all of my thoughts and writhing it down on a plane peppers it will create nothing but more thoughts.
So!, it just, there's so-many things to think about lately, this world we living holds nothing but superficially sadness, I do not claim any particular attitude toward any of this skepticism, that I believe it may change you.
As I believe this world never did any-good to any believer or disbeliever,, we all did everything we could ever sacrifice just to gain nothing but live-happier, I do not blame any action that they ever gained from trying to express their vision or what seem righteous to them.
If we read our mankind history with study eyes we surprisingly get one thing that made them in-common, it is "hope", with a simple thought that popped on their-head that holds simple idea that made them share to others that they may filling the same idea in their heads, that simple idea creates a strong feeling that they easily gain phenomenally companions that will do anything just to make this idea last forever or make something out if it.
But as we all know nothing last forever everything in this bathetic universe or life we living, or whatever you prefer to call it.
but one-thing got me lately, why we worship so many deference gods that we hardly tell if the one we worshiping truly guide us to the righteous path, I'm not trying to confuse anyone, it just, it's not sin to ask ourselves why we really worshiping this particular mighty god, why we never studied other religions to make sure the path we following is worth followed, if we glanced little bit to our history we'll surly know how our ancestors reacted to this religious believe that we holding tightly-believing it could never be wrong, as our ancestors did believed what they-been worshiping was the righteous spiritual religion.
I'm not disrespecting old-age spiritual gods, it just, it will meant something truly rightful if we carefully studied all kind of deference organized religions. But sadly we barely know our own religion, the one each of us believing is worth believed.
I would not target particular religions, like some say all religions got flows if one-carefully studied it. I will never say so. It just if I dig deeply the one I know little bit of it, the one that I believe is the right-path to the right-God, a god that proves us he is the only god that ever existed and will ever exist, but one-thing that we all did get-wrong, we never looked or studied our guiding scripture's keenly.
that surly if we do, it will save us from our-thoughtful puzzling mind that may guide us to a deadly sins.  But slyly we depend upon other's scholars opinions, just we surly know we will never have  a time to read or even study little bit of it, nothing but following scholars opinionated guiding scripture's, just telling us how they see it but not surely,  probably they will see things differently for the next couple years.
even though it was our duty to learn everything that our hands ever reach it. Not just to brag about it, like some of our brother's do, they learn little bit of religious scripture's just not to save others from their evilly attitude, but, but they just learn it all those scriptures just to brag with other-different-opinion scholars to diss them publicly that they-were-wrong about whatever they bragging with, but it never ended with that. that attitude created many deference groups that they all claim they are on the right bath and the rest are indeed wrong. And I'm truly sorry for the simple believers that don't know nothing but how to pray and how to preach the Quran simply, even don't know much of what it says (Quran).
If we looked the suicide bomber's that believes he/she will go straight to heaven just by blowing a building that fulls sinners,  we can't prove what they get from god after-death punishment or forgiveness or even something else that we don't expecting.
There's nothing that proves the righteous religious path to take, but we got no other choice but to follow our guts,  to see where it could take us.
Humanity can't live without faith we surly know that, that's why there's so many difference gods, but if we look them carefully we will find-out  we are in-common, we share so much with the most gods we worshiping, like greedy,  selfishness,  always needy, and the reason is we created those gods and forced ourselves to believe. We deluded ourselves. As it seems without hope, not hoping anything will guide us to doom,  but now when we realized we can achieve everything as we achieved lot of things our earlier times,  so we started thinking differently, we started seeing thinking's differently like we don't need god anymore, but at least we were all believing god existing ìt doesn't matter what god, but this days just hearing the word god became silly thing to say, we seeing infidelity as a development.
Atheists gaining popularity and respect this days more than ever,  bragging about they can prove there's no god, but got no prove but answering the questions with questions,  to just create nothing but confusion, to delude the ones that wants to be deluded,  and even as the ones that to tightly to religions,  can sometimes be tricked by the atheist easily, because they don't deeply understand what they holding so tightly, cause they never study it carefully, never asked themselves earlier-before they been asked forcefully.
so much things going on lately, fornicating became absolute. Probably you don't know what fornication is, or you would say no one's use it anymore probably you're right cause the reason we use to use it became unreasonable now or weird to call one fornicator, if you call one by that you will see your surroundings seeing you uncivilized or brain damaged. Just because you're right, you know what's better,  it just no one's reads history,  or don't know what really matters,  this days it's hard to even to find a one's that really knows their ancestors or progenitor, what really keep me frowned is they Don't even want to know, it seems to them knowing it would make them  taking steps back from progressivism or   to reach better civilizational progress.
As it seems best way to survive from all this is to know better but to know better is to know more and always seek more be thirsty for knowledge and truth-seeking. 
Arbitrariness  and skepticism won't prove anything, as I mentioned earlier its just a thought,  arbitrary won't prove anything  I hypothetically wrote this just to write down what really bothering me at the moment, and I'm truly sorry if I hold you stressfuly for sometime, but it's good thing to know what really going on in this world we living that filled with utterly lies,  everything  become crappie this days, but always remember the moment you open your eyes for the truth, you wouldn't do the common things that we do frequently like, waisting time for ballshit, laughing with stupidity. You will ending-up as wallflower not because you would want to but it would be hart to you be understood-able.
And it's severe to see yourself like that,  so , it's just! There nothing forther to tell, it's  not because I got nothing to further to think but simply I don't want to waste your precious time, and god always knows what's best, a one thing that keeps me un-stressful is I leave everything to their maker(God), but I always enjoy figuring things out, 
So take care and enjoy your timeless thoughts always follow what your thoughts and never underestimate yourself,.
And as me I will do my best to take break from my thinking's,  but if you ever got Time for writing or withing down your thoughts it would mean something if you could it to me, I enjoy reading other beings thoughts.
Never forget your unknown precious friend so good to know you even though I don't know you but simply you read my thoughts.